It's not me who's crying, it's my soul

Chapter 21 - Don't Ask Me Why

I woke up with a bad headache, a really bad headache. I wasn't able to turn to my sides due to my stiff neck. I checked my phone, missed calls and messages from Glaiz.

Pero, I can feel na there is someone beside me. There's an arm in my tummy.

And there, I noticed it. I noticed her arm tattoo. Paano siya nakapunta dito? Halos wala akong maalala sa mga nangyari kagabi. All I know is that, I want to get drunk, and forget everything. Kaso, baligtad ang nangyari. I can't seem, and never, to forget her. Sa habang tumatagal ang panahon na nagsasama kami, it's like, I'm falling for her. More, and more, and more each day.

I did my best to face her. I can't help it. I can't help myself not to stare at her, not to touch her. Mahal ko na siya. Oo, mahal ko si Glaiza.

I stared at her, trying not to wake her up. "Glaiz, I really wish you were mine. I really wish that you love me as well. I wish...." I can't help but to cry. It's the only way for me, to show her how much I love her.

There are lots of stuff that keeps bothering me. One, is where I wanted Glaiza. I wanted her to love me back. I know, oo, alam ko. Alam ko namang mahal niya ako eh. But again, nandun si Cal. Si Cal ang sinisigaw ng puso niya.

Kung nauna ako kay Cal, do you think, Glaiza will love me back as much as I love her now? Umamin naman ako kay Glaiza with my feelings. That's like, for how many times. And she would ask what am I saying. Maybe...

Maybe..

Maybe I was just too weak.

Too weak to love her, too weak to face her.

I combed her hair back to her ears for me to clearly see her face. "So that's the reason why," I whispered to Glaiz, as if we were having a conversation. "Maybe, Cal was too strong to love you. Ako, wala. I'm just inside the box." Hindi ko mapigilang umiyak. "I was too weak to love you, even though alam kong mahal mo naman ako." I hugged her tight.

This is what I missed. The way I hug her, she will respond automatically. Like, parang we are in sync of every movement.

"Lagi kitang yayakapin ng ganito. All the time, Rhian. All the time." And I remembered those words na lagi niyang sinasabi kapag off cam. She would say, "Ang comfy ko ihug, right? Hug mo pa ako."

She would say that kapag nandito kami sa condo ko, sleeping. And I miss those days.

*ring ring*

Glaiza's phone is ringing. Chineck ko, it was just a message. It says:

Cal

Why? Bakit hindi mo ako ininform last night na hindi ka makikipagkita sa akin? Are you with Rhian again? We've talked about this, right? Message mo ko. Drop me a call.

I love you so much, G. Missed you already

- cally

Pero I would say, na namimiss ko na si Glaiza. Yung dating Glaiza. Yung wala pang Cal sa buhay niya. Yung all she would think is God, her family, co-workers, friends, and ME.

I can't blame myself. This is what she wanted. This makes her happy.

"Rh-rhian..." she stretched out, which made me flinched a little. She hugged me really tight, then kissed my cheek. "Mmh." She looked at me, seriously. I know this look from Glaiza. Nakakatakot, nakakatunaw.

"Bakit hawak mo phone ko kanina?" I am doomed, dead. "May nagtext ba sa akin or tumawag?" Glaiza yawned, snuggling to my chest deeper. "Ah, nagring kasi siya. I'm, I'm afraid na baka magising ka bigla."