If I Stayed | Christian Yu

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR - WE KISSED

He shrugged. "Been worse."

"You want to start or should I?"

Christian stared at the carpet for a second before saying, "I kissed her."

There it was. Out in the open.

Dr. Yoon's eyes didn't flinch. "Aaliyah?"

He nodded.

"She was at your place?"

He swallowed. "Yeah. Said she didn't want to be home. She had a bag with her. Said she wouldn't stay long."

"And then you kissed her."

"I kissed her," he repeated, a little quieter. "And she kissed me back."

Dr. Yoon sat with that. "What made you do it?"

"I don't know," he said, even though he did. "She was just there. Looking at me like she was thinking the same thing I was."

"Which was?"

Christian looked up for the first time since he walked in. "That this is our last chance."

Dr. Yoon nodded slowly. "So you went for it."

"Yeah."

"And how did it feel?"

He let out a bitter laugh. "Like everything I've ever wanted and everything I shouldn't have. All at once."

"Did she say anything after?"

"No. She left."

Dr. Yoon kept her voice gentle. "And you?"

He scratched his jaw, eyes unfocused. "I just let her go. I didn't even ask her to stay."

"Why not?"

"Because I knew she wouldn't."

There was a long pause. Then Dr. Yoon asked, "Do you regret it?"

Christian blinked. "No. I think I'd regret it more if I didn't."

"Then why are you here?"

He sat back, suddenly exhausted. "Because I still love her. And she's getting married in seven days."

Dr. Yoon's voice softened even more. "Do you think she still loves you?"

He didn't answer right away.

"She kissed me back," he said finally. "So yeah. I think part of her does."

"And the other part?"

He shrugged. "Might still marry him anyway."

Dr. Yoon leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Chris... you did something brave. You told the truth. Maybe not with words, but with that kiss."

"It doesn't matter if it didn't change anything."

"But it matters that you changed."

He looked down, biting the inside of his cheek.

Dr. Yoon tapped her pen gently against her notebook. "You kissed her. And she let you. That means something, even if it's not everything."

~

[Aaliyah.] / Morning after the kiss / 7 days before the wedding

The morning light hit harder than she expected. Like it was trying to call her out.

Aaliyah blinked at the ceiling of her childhood bedroom, arm slung over her eyes like that could block out everything she was feeling. It couldn't.

She hadn't even changed out of the dress. Just tossed the heels near the door, wiped her makeup off with a tissue, and collapsed onto the bed like her body gave up before her brain did.