If I Stayed | Christian Yu

CAPTER TWENTY - THE TRUTH

[Christian.] - A bit later.

The laughter inside was too much.

Not because it was loud, but because it vibrated in his chest like he was supposed to match it. Like he was supposed to feel it too.

Christian sat there, eyes drifting over the faces around the table. Kaylani teasing Malik. Mrs. Brown and Ms. Yu swapping stories. Kenji laughing with his parents. And Aaliyah tucked into Fabian's side, his hand resting on her knee like it always belonged there.

Christian felt the tightness start to build.

His fingers twitched under the table.

That familiar pulse of too much.

His disorder was whispering again.

Poking.

Begging him to react. To say something. To ruin something.

He slipped his chair back as quietly as he could.

Slid out the back door like he'd done a hundred times before, when he needed air, when the world felt too close, when he'd first found out about the tour. When he'd kissed her that first time and told himself it didn't mean anything.

The garden was dim under the old string lights Rafael had put up years ago. Some of them flickered now.

He pulled his vape from his pocket.

Breathed in.

Held it.

Let the smoke swirl out of his mouth as he stared at the sky—dark blue, a few stars breaking through the LA haze.

He took another puff, exhaled slow, watching the smoke drift like a ghost of something he couldn't name.

The night felt still. Too still.

He leaned against the wooden fence, eyes drifting over the same garden that hadn't changed in years. Same crooked stone path. Same lemon tree that never grew fruit. Same beat-up patio chair by the wall.

And just like that...

He wasn't twenty-something anymore.

He was seventeen.

And she was right there.

~ Flashback

The party inside was winding down—low music, half-eaten cupcakes, someone asleep on the couch.

But out here? It was just them.

Aaliyah slipped out barefoot, holding a slice of cake in a napkin. Her hair was messy, a few strands sticking to her cheek. Her lip gloss had worn off hours ago.

Christian was leaning against the back fence, hoodie sleeves pushed up, head tilted back to watch the string lights that flickered overhead. He'd always found comfort in the quiet out here, away from the buzz of the party, away from everyone's expectations.

She came up beside him, close but not touching, and let out a little sigh as she glanced at him. "You okay?"

He nodded, lips twitching in a half-smile. "Yeah. Just needed a breather."

She held up her napkin-wrapped cake, eyes playful. "Want some? Mrs. Morales would cry if I let it go to waste."

He chuckled. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though."

She took a small bite, smudging icing on her thumb. "You're always the first one to sneak outside."

He met her eyes. "And you're always the first one to find me."