If I Stayed | Christian Yu

CHAPTER FOUR - FABIAN

Everyone laughed. Even Christian.

But his eyes didn't.

He sipped his drink and stared at the space between her and Fabian.

It was small.

But it was enough.

~

The food was insane, like always when her mom cooked - huge bowls of arroz con pollo, roasted veggies, garlic bread, all of it steaming and colorful like a celebration. Or maybe a distraction.

Christian picked at his plate, laughed when he was supposed to, added a few comments here and there - but his eyes kept drifting.

To the way Aaliyah's hand rested just beside Fabian's.
To the way their knees touched under the table.
To how she smiled without thinking.

And yeah, it burned.

"So," Fabian said suddenly, cutting through the chatter, "I've heard a lot about you guys."

Christian looked up slowly. Fabian's gaze was on him now - and Malik and Kenji too - his voice casual, smile polite.

"Christian, right? Malik? Kenji?"

"That's us," Malik said, raising his glass. "We come in peace."

"Barely," Kenji muttered through a bite of bread.

"Fabian," he said, reaching across the table for a handshake. "It's good to finally meet you. Aaliyah's told me a lot."

Christian shook his hand. Firm grip. Solid eye contact. Too polished.

Of course he was like this.

"She's talked about you too," Christian said, tone calm. Flat.

A flicker of tension passed. Quick. Barely there.

Then Fabian smiled again.

"I actually had an idea I wanted to run by you, if that's cool?"

Christian raised a brow. "Sure."

Fabian glanced at Aaliyah, and her whole face shifted. Like she suddenly wanted to disappear under the table.

"We were thinking... since you're already here, and you're such a big part of her life... maybe you'd wanna write something. For the wedding. Like, our first dance."

The room slowed.

Even the background music seemed to fade.

Christian blinked.

His heart thudded painfully against his ribs.

He didn't look at Aaliyah right away. Couldn't.

"You want me to write a song," he said, more of a statement than a question.

"If you're down," Fabian said lightly. "No pressure. We just thought it'd be... meaningful. You know. Personal."

Kenji looked like he was about to throw something.

Malik choked on a bite of rice.

Aaliyah sat frozen - lips parted, like she wasn't sure if she should step in or let it ride out.

Christian reached for his drink. Took a long sip.

"Yeah," he said, voice low. "Sure. Why not."

Finally, Aaliyah looked up - locked eyes with him.

And for a split second, it didn't feel like a request.

It felt like a dare.

Christian downed the rest of his drink in one slow motion.

Didn't blink. Didn't breathe.

Just let the burn slide down his throat and distract him from the ache rising in his chest.

"Excuse me," he muttered, pushing back his chair. "Bathroom."

He didn't wait for a response.

~

The hallway felt too tight, like it was closing in around him. Every step felt like he was dragging something invisible behind him - all the things he never said, all the moments he never claimed.

He shut the bathroom door behind him and flipped on the light.

Same peach walls. Same little candle on the counter. Same frayed towel by the sink.

It was like stepping into a version of his past that didn't belong to him anymore.

He gripped the edge of the sink.

Stared at his reflection like it had let him down.

His jaw was locked. His eyes looked darker. Tired. His lips pressed in a line like he was swallowing words before they escaped.

"A song," he whispered, half-laughing. "For them?"

He turned on the tap. Splashed cold water on his face.

Once.
Twice.

Curls soaked. Water dripping down his jawline into his shirt. He didn't care.

Hands gripping the sink again, tighter this time.

"Just fake it a little longer," he whispered. "We can leave soon."

He grabbed the towel. Dried off with shaky hands. Looked at himself one last time.

Eyes colder.
Walls up.
Time to perform.

When he stepped back into the dining room, everything was loud again.

Someone had put on a playlist. Her dad was deep in a story. Fabian had his hand resting on Aaliyah's shoulder.

Christian smiled.

Sat back down like nothing happened.

And no one noticed he'd fallen apart in the bathroom just minutes before.