Shadows of Yesterday

Chapter 32: Scissors to String

"Maybe if you stopped referring to your own kids as broken, you might find it a little easier to stomach putting a roof over their heads." This time, I actually did sneer.

"But he is!" He gestured wildly to the hallway Declan's stretcher had disappeared down. "Look at where he is right now! Does that not fit the description of a broken person to you?"

"And how did he get there?"

He didn't have an answer for that. I should have felt proud, but instead, I just felt bitter. Maybe this family had never been a functioning machine. Maybe I wasn't the broken cog making it stop running. Maybe we had never worked.

My mom wiped her eyes and extricated herself from my dad's arms. "That's not fair," she whispered. "That's not fair. We didn't mean it. We were going to apologize. Of course we didn't mean it."

Ben froze in the middle of the hospital floor, his pacing momentarily forgotten. His face was twisted in a mix of outrage and pain. Happy Ben. Caring Ben. The one who always did what he was told. He clenched his fists at his side, and when he spoke, his voice was a low thing meant to cut. "Of course you didn't. You never mean it. You always mean to apologize. Look where that got you. The same stupid hospital as it did last time. The same reason as last time. How many mistakes will it take for you two to finally learn a lesson?"

Dad looked taken aback. "I'm sorry?"

"You should be."

My eyes blew wide in shock. It wasn't just the words he said, it was the way he said them: cold. Vindictive. Deadly. Like he had been waiting years to finally say them. 

Both of my parents looked like they had seen a ghost. I had to admit that I hoped they had. 

But Ben wasn't finished. He walked the few feet it took to stand in front of my parents and pointed at them accusingly. His back was facing me now, so I couldn't see his face, but I could tell from his voice that he was pissed. "You two are awful parents, and I'm sick of bending over backwards pretending otherwise! After your daughter killed herself, you didn't think about how that might affect the rest of your children. No. You were content to bury yourselves in work and watch me pick up any pieces of my siblings that I could still salvage. The only reason you're proud to call me a son is because I'm doing the job you two abandoned!"

"And that's not even mentioning Jackie. When Jackie cracked, you didn't even think to have a heart-to-heart with her about it. Not even a simple 'why?' No. Your go-to solution was to ship her across the country! Like some sort of malfunctioning electronic! What kind of parent does that?! And when Declan started drinking, started burying himself in things that would make him forget how much his own parents seemed to hate him, the only thing you could focus on was that he was 'making the family look bad.' Even though he was clearly breaking. Right under your noses. Your roof. Did you even know that he's been lying about not having a job? He's been putting up with your lectures because he knew you guys would be ashamed that the only job he managed to get was through begging the Browns to give him a chance? Begging."

By this point, he was fully shouting, his hands gesturing wildly as he berated my parents for the first time in his life. He sounded like he was on the edge of tears, and he also sounded like he hated that. His shoulders were shaking. So was the rest of him. But I got the feeling it wasn't from his anger.

My parents' faces were sheet white. They didn't say anything. 

The silence after Ben's outburst hung in the air, thick and palpable. Everyone around us looked  more uncomfortable than I had ever seen anyone in my life. I didn't blame them.

When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and fragile. "You don't even notice your own children anymore. Do you know how much that hurts?" His voice cracked and trailed off.

My dad shook his head. His response was weak, more self-denial than actual argument. "We notice you. Of course we notice you."

Ben turned away from our parents and toward me. His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed. He had this tortured look in his eyes that I had never seen before, and it scared me more than I would have liked to admit. He clenched his jaw.

"You didn't even remember my birthday."

Without another word, he stumbled out of the waiting room, and it was then that my stomach sank as it hit me like a ton of bricks:

That's right.

Ben's birthday.

August 23rd.

Fuck.

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A/N: Okay. So. Anyone that knows me knows that I NEVER swear. And when I say never, I mean never. Like, not even the "not actually cussing" words. Even when I've used hell in this book, it's only been in reference to the place (Yeah, yeah, come at me. I know I'm a goody two-shoes.) But no matter how hard I tried and how many different ways I tried to rearrange and rephrase the last part of this chapter, NOTHING had the impact I wanted... except for that word. 

I considered cutting Ben's rant down, but as an obsessive people pleaser myself, I felt he really needed that proper crashout moment lol.

Fun fact of the day: Buzz Lightyear was originally supposed to be known as Lunar Larry.

A few more people have picked up my book, and I just wanted to say thank you! You have no idea how much it lights up my day when I see people voting for and commenting on my chapters!

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to vote and comment!

-Thea <3