Define irreplaceable.

20: 2 truths and a lie

"I-I promise- I will let you love me, if you'll have me. I will let you in, I'll tell you when I'm hurting, I swear I'll do anything, I'll work on myself for as long as I have to, just please, please don't leave me-

My words get caught in my throat as I let everything out.

"I- fuck, I-I love you. I love you—so much, Tadashi, I love you so much it physically hurts me."

Yamaguchi clenches his fists. He's been waiting to hear that ever since they met.

Y: "Been waiting for you to say that since we were 13. Now it just hurts."

I clench the pavement and push my forehead hard into the cement.

He takes a pause before speaking again.

Y: "Why'd you do it?"

Ooooh don't ask about that- please don't ask about that-

"I-I don't know. I wasn't right in the head. I didn't think about it, I saw you hang out with him one time and wanted to make him hurt. I wanted him to stop breathing, I wanted to leave him bleeding out on the sidewalk, I—I wanted to be the one to do it. It's so selfish, I know, I couldn't handle the idea that you might love someone else like you loved me. I'm so sorry I swear I'll make it up to you I was so wrong-"

Y: "Make it up to him. he didn't deserve that in the slightest. It pains me that you would almost kill a kid under my name. I feel like a monster just because I tried to make a friend."

I don't talk for a second. I am not proud of that at all. Tried to kill myself over it.

"I promise you, I will do anything. I refuse to ever let it get that bad again. I refuse to ever make you hate me. I have no excuse. I wanted to beat his head into the ground just for laughing with you, I don't know why- I didn't mean it- I knew it was wrong-"

Y: "Do you think I'm yours?"

I sit still. Shaking. I know he's not. I know he isn't but I can't help but get so obsessive.

"I'm unhealthy. I'm obsessive and the thought of killing some kid over you felt better than admitting to myself that you aren't even close to mine anymore. I was terrified of you replacing me. I want to stop handling everything with violence, I want to stop hating myself so much, I want to stop wishing I was dead every moment I'm not with you. I'm here because there is no point in doing that if it doesn't end in a future with you."

"I fucking love you and I want to show you that I do in a way that you deserve. I won't let my self hatred poison our relationship, I'm not gonna keep shutting you out, please believe me. I love you so much, I... please, give me one last try. I swear on my life that it will be worth your time. I swear I can change, I can learn. I want to be there. I-"

I'm crying, I look up at him and there's tears straight up streaming down my face. I'm allowing myself to cry. I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable around him, because for once, I don't have a choice anymore.
This is my last chance.
I'm breathing in and out hard as fuck, shaking and hyperventilating on my knees.
My voice coming out strained and choked.

"I don't want to be someone you don't feel good around, it fucking kills me everyday that I don't see you. I didn't think I'd care, I didn't think it was my fault, but you are everything to me. I- I don't know who I am without you, and I can never repay you for all that you've done for me and all the shit I've given you for so long, I don't want to be this person anymore. I will do whatever it takes to get you to speak with me one more time, and I will never stop trying. I can't handle the fact that you aren't on good terms with me, I'll change your mind if it's the last thing I do. Please, for the love of god, believe me this time."

I'm sobbing and desperately looking up at him, everything is on the line. I'm giving him everything I've got, and I don't wanna take my chances.

His lip quivers and he looks up at the sky like he's praying that he's not making the wrong decision.

He waits for a hot second. Begging himself to just forget it and walk away, knowing I don't deserve another chance. Knowing I've caused too much damage.

I panic. I know what he's thinking. It's not good enough, he's gonna walk away, he's-

Y:"Okay."

That's all. That's all he says. He's barely willing to just give me one more chance.

Thank. Fuck. Oh my god. I let out a shaky hard pant.

"Prove it."

"I-I will."

Yamaguchi looks at me for a second, not completely sure if he's making the right decision but wanting to give it one last go. Damn it, he hates me, but...

Then he opens his arms slightly in a way that says "I know you need it, you can hug me."

I legit lunge at this mf and squeeze him so hard. I hug him unlike I've ever touched anything before. Grasping, impossibly closer. My arms caged around him like he might fade away in a second. I'm falling apart, shaking so hard and hugging him with all my might. He stumbles backwards and I'm just crying, sobbing, clutching him with my arms. He's stiff it first, unwelcoming, looking down on me, but he eventually can't help but melt into it. Even though my arms are locked around him so tight he's stumbling. Hugging him so tight it feels like my lungs only work if they're in his. That must be the case because for once, for the first time in years, I can breathe.

He's here. He's back, he's in my arms, oh my god I can't-

"Tsukki-"

I realize I'm hugging him so hard it might be hard to breathe. I loosen up a bit.

"Sorry."

I chuckled softly.

Y: "I really missed you."

"Ha. You'd be shocked."

Y: "Yeah?"

My legs are almost giving out, he's real. He's here, Jesus Christ, I can feel him.

I groan a bit, so positively overwhelmed with relief and love. I'm taller than him by a good amount, so my hugs are deliberate. My neck is all the way on his shoulder and I am impossibly closer. Every part of me is as close to him as it can be, he stumbles backwards so hard he gets pushed to a wall and I just stand there gasping in the crook of his neck. Oh my god, augh I can't- he's- I can feel him- fuck I missed him-

"...Please don't do that again."

I say very quietly, hugging just a bit tighter.

Y: "Please don't make me."