Imperfect Feelings

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I can never remember a time where I wasn't striving to be the perfect student. Ever since our family name was disgraced by my Grandfather, once a noble -or so I though- Prime Minister of Japan. After years of living hand to mouth to slowly dredge our debt away, I enrolled at Hope's Peak Academy. I sought to restore the 'Ishimaru' name. 

But my school experience wasn't at all perfect, Hope's Peak has been closed after the incident that Junko Enoshima had wrought upon the world. We all barely managed to escape that madness thanks to Ikusaba. Upon returning to the now dystopian outside world, it all sunk in. I can never be what I wanted to be, to help Papa...

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It's been a few months, I've only just started to adjust to the new world around me. There is always a sense of foreboding hanging around you. Despite the calming of worldwide riots, there are still some despair driven people out there ready to take a life. The only time I ever feel complete safety is when I am in 'his' arms. He and I have become pretty close, we decided to stay together for... Safety purposes. We've learnt a lot about each other and about ourselves, I can even ride a motorbike! Although he does scold me for going at a slow and steady pace. 

But, are these feelings... I can never bring myself to think about it, I feel ashamed and push them deep to the bottom of my heart. 

Only the deep humming of a motorbike interrupts the silence, neither of us spoke a word as we let the monochromatic world flow past us, fading into one continuous boring blur.

"So... What are we going to do now?" I enquired.

"I don't know bro, I mean anything's fine with you..." Mondo trailed off.

"Huh?" I spat out, shocked

"NOTHING! SHUT THE FUCK UP! STOP OVER ANALYSING SHIT I SAY!" Mondo shouted, despite his almost malicious tone, I could see his blushing cheeks.

"Whatever you say, bro..." I blushed happily and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Geez..." Mondo muttered, trying to hard a small smirk that was spreading across his face. 

Suddenly, a familiar stern face crossed my mind, I loosened my grip and slumped a little. Will I ever be able to do this without feeling guilty?

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We reached our destination a while later, I got off the bike my legs trembled a bit. We had decided to visit my old residency, with the way the rest of Japan was looking, I was expecting it to be a mess. However, to my surprise it was mostly untouched, apart from a smashed window and layer of dust. Memories started to flood back, memories of my old life, studying in a tiny room under an old desklamp. My hands shaked as I wandered up the garden path, which grass had slightly spilled out over. I had barely made it to the front door when I became a quivering pile of nervousness.

What would it be like inside? Why isn't anyone here? Where did they all go? Are they alive? Is it even safe here? Questions swirled around in my head, fogging my concentration. A warm tug at my hand jerked me out of whirlpool of memories and worry.

"Hey, I don't really know what you're going through, I never really had a proper house or family apart from the gang and Daiya. But I'm here to help you through this bullshit, so please for the love of fuck stop shaking!" Mondo exclaimed, his words albeit brash, were touching. I stopped shaking and held his hand while staring at my old front door, there were marks which were unfamiliar to me, I reached for the handle and paused for a moment.

"This doesn't feel... right" I muttered to myself.

"For fuck sake Ishi, this was you house a while ago wasn't it? Last time i goddamned checked, breaking into your own house isn't an offence!" Mondo shouted. He knew me so well.

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