No strings attached |(UNDER REVISION)

Chapter 17- Trapped in the past

I opened my mouth to argue, but she shook her head.

"Hinila mo ako papunta sa mundo mo. Sa mundo ng plans, ng perfection, ng high expectations. At nung hindi ko na kaya... nung hindi ko na makita ang sarili ko sa tabi mo... umalis ako."

I felt my chest tighten. "You never told me that."

"Hindi mo rin naman tinanong." Her voice was softer now. "Nag-walk out na lang ako sa buhay mo at hinayaan mo lang. Hindi mo ako hinabol, Aiah."

I took a sharp breath. "Akala ko kasi yun ang gusto mo."

"Oo, gusto kong umalis!" Her voice cracked again, this time with emotion. "Pero gusto ko ring habulin mo ako! Gusto ko ring maramdaman na kahit hindi ako perfect, pipiliin mo pa rin ako!"

Silence.

She wiped her face harshly, as if furious at herself for crying. "Pero hindi mo ginawa. Hindi mo ako hinabol, hindi mo ako pinigilan. Kaya sinabi ko sa sarili ko na tama lang. Tama lang na umalis ako, kasi hindi talaga tayo para sa isa't isa."

I clenched my jaw, my heart pounding in my ears. "You think I didn't want to stop you? You think I didn't want to chase after you?"

She scoffed. "Eh bakit hindi mo ginawa?"

I took a step forward. "Because I thought I wasn't what you needed. I thought I was making it worse. And maybe... maybe I was scared, too."

She stared at me, stunned, as if she didn't expect me to admit it.

"Scared of what?" she asked, voice almost a whisper.

I swallowed hard, forcing the words out. "That no matter how much I loved you... it still wouldn't be enough to make you stay."

I exhaled shakily, my chest tightening at the weight of my own words.

"You think I didn't love you enough?" I let out a dry laugh, shaking my head. "Mikha, I loved you so much it scared the hell out of me."

Mikha stiffened, her hands curling into fists.

"Pero iniwan mo akong ganun na lang," she shot back. "Kung mahal mo ako, bakit hindi mo ako hinabol? Bakit hinayaan mo akong isipin na wala akong halaga sa'yo?"

I took another step toward her, my voice firm but thick with emotion. "Dahil hindi kita gustong itali sa isang bagay na hindi mo na kaya!"

She blinked, caught off guard.

"You think I wanted to let you go?"" My voice wavered, my throat tightening with all the things I had kept inside for so long. "I spent nights wondering if I should run after you, if I should beg you to stay. Pero natatakot ako, Mikha. Natatakot akong kapag pinilit kitang bumalik, mas lalo mo lang akong kamuhian."

Mikha's breath hitched, and I saw the hesitation flash in her eyes.

"You said I wanted perfection," I continued, my hands clenching at my sides. "Pero hindi totoo yun. I just wanted you. Kahit magulo ka. Kahit hindi mo alam ang gusto mo sa buhay. Kahit iniiwasan mo ako tuwing nagkakaproblema ka."

Her lower lip trembled, and I could see the way she was trying so hard to keep her composure.

"Pero hindi ako sapat para sa'yo, Aiah," she whispered. "Hindi ako kasing talino mo. Hindi ako kasing galing mo. Hindi ako bagay sa mundo mo."