For Him (BoyxBoy)

Cahpter 3

My name is Ryan Ronald Joseph. I am a sixteen year old and 1.73 metre tall closet gay. I belong to a Christian family who believes that being gay is disgusting. And whoever is gay,should be killed.
I get bullied almost every day by one guy,Joshua Parker because I accidentally kissed him at Stacey's house party where she invited all of her class mates, while I was drunk and he was half drunk. After kissing he whispered he liked it and he kissed my neck and traced his tongue trough my jawlines,till Stacey herself,walked in.
And Joshua pushed me away saying, "What the fuck! You faggot!" And I was too drunk to respond so I just smiled lazily.
One drunken mistake and I get beaten up. He told me to keep his secret and I said I will but it was not enough for him. I mean what is the fun in beating someone up? And why does he care about me telling anyone? Not that ANYONE would believe me except Aaron Baker. My best friend. He is all I have to be honest.
I wish I had my father. He was a REALLY nice guy. At least he would have understood me.
My father died and my mother got married again with Andrew Hills. My father was a very brave and strong police officer. But he was killed when I was seven and Ria was seventeen. Ria is now twenty six years old. She is too older than me. She will be married very soon. And I will always be alone.

I mean who would like me? I am a closet gay person. I can not tell anyone who I even like. I am lanky and pretty skinny. Even though I feel so fat. I am ugly. Like very ugly. When I look at other guys,I feel so ashamed of myself. Even other girls make me feel so insecure. They are so beautiful. And then there is me. The ugly one. I can never have anyone loving me. People will always judge me. For my sexuality,for my figure,for how I look and for who I am. I can never make people love me.
And the thought of keeping my sexuality hidden kills me. One thing I am sure of that I can not tell anyone from my family that I am homosexual. Because they are disgusted. They say it is a sin to be gay. They call them sick.
I do NOT want to be the one that is called sick to his family. That is called disgusting.
I just want to be happy. I want to have friends. But no one even knows I exist. And no one would want to be friends with me after they know who I am. They will be disgusted too. And they might beat me up like Joshua,even though I did not do anything to them. Not even Aaron knows. I am afraid that he will stop being friends with me once he knows who I actually am.
I am just locked up in myself.

I close my journal and put the pen down on the table. I was sitting alone,reserving the whole table and waiting for Aaron to come. I turned to take my bag that was hanging from the back of the chair. I took it and unzipped it and turned to the table to take my new journal that I started writing in. But where is it?
I feel a little panicking butterfly in my  stomach. I look up to see Jacob Brody holding it up.
He is the friend of Joshua Parker.
"Give it back Jacob." I say with a low voice. Not wanting to draw any attention of anyone.
"You want it? Take it" he holds the journal in front of my face. I move my hand to take it from him and he swiftly moves the journal away from me. I feel sick. I feel scared. I pray that he does not open my journal. No God I can not take that. This is not happening. Please don't let this happen to me. I mentally beg. But too late to pray and Jacob opens the journal.
"Well let's see what do the little princess write in his journal." He says and my face falls. My heart skips a beat and I know I am DEAD.
"Jacob! Give that to me! You don't get to read someone's journal! That's too personal!" I raise my voice and everyone looks at me.
"What did you just do? Did you fucking raise your voice at me?" He hisses. He comes too close to me,looking down at me with insanity in his eyes. He is furious. "I'm sorry. But please,just hand it to me." I mumble,scared of he might even hit me.
A small smile creeps on his face. And he says in a low,husky voice "I'm gonna read it anyway."

He clears his throat. "Can I get everyone's attention please?!" He says in a loud voice and everyone looks at him with a curious face.
I almost feel like I am going to cry. I can not have anyone knowing that I am gay. It will easily get my parents knowing if the whole school knows. I will be dead.
"Jacob please." I request him again. More like I beg to him. I look at him with pleading eyes. But people are so heartless.
He chuckles and says,
"Yo people! Let's see what our little loser Ryan Joseph writes in his journal!"
Everyone cheers.
No one ever cared about my existence at school. No one gave a damn if I lived or die. But today when it's about my personal life that too getting exposed by Jacob Brody, a douchebag, people cheers for it. Wow my life.
"My name is Ryan Ronald Joseph' cheers to that! He is introducing himself to the fucking journal! As if it will talk back and say 'hey Ryan! I'm Mr. Journal'. Gosh, are you what? 8 years old?" He mocks. And all it does is piss me off. I curl my hands in to a fist and close my eyes. Scared,Ashamed,Guilty (even though I don't have any reason to be),Regret,anger. I feel it all.
"I am a sixteen year old and-" before he can read the full line I jump on him,snatching my journal. He moves away and I fall on the floor with my journal in my hand, humiliated. 
Where is Aaron? I ask myself. I need him. Only he can help me now. I tuck my journal in my chest and get up. And I feel a heavy push on my back.

Jacob grips on my jacket and shakes me hard and then turns me to face him. His one hand gripping on my jacket and other one trying to get my journal that was tightly held against my chest.
He pulls the top of the journal harder and it gets out of my sweaty grip making me curse at my sweaty hands mentally. But then suddenly he throws me on the floor.
Violence. I hate violence. And it's school. But for rich and powerful people like Jacob Brody,the rules do not apply. The rules are only apply to the weak people like us. Who don't exist. Who is from a decent class family and who's father died. 
I know I am fucked today.

"Where we were? Oh yes. 'I am a sixtenn year old and 1.73 metres tall...." Jacob pauses. He looks at me and I look back at him with pleading eyes. But he licks his lips and without moving his eyes away that were piercing in mine,he spoke the words,"closet gay".
And I close my eyes and sigh. Bracing myself for the worst.

The smirk was deep and clear on Jacob's face. The gasps were clear too. And the quiet talks among them.
I slowly stood up and looked at all the people that were staring at me. Some with surprising eyes and some with disgusted.

I try to take my journal back because enough. But he moves away raising his hand up in air. "Don't touch me fag! Keep your fucking disease to yourself!" And I move away. Anger boils in me. This is not a disease neither a phase.
"Want me to read further pretty gay princess?" He asks,batting his very short lashes.
I look at him and say 'Yes.' Feeling sudden anger taking over me. If everyone gets to know about me, they should know about Jacob's dear best friend too.

He clearly did not expect me to answer that. He looks down at the journal for a while but he throws my journal on my face. Now he knows about his best friend. He rushes out of the room and I pick my journal up that was slammed on my face earlier.