Disequilibrium

Part 4: Senior Year - Scene 3

I laugh a little even though nothing's funny. There isn't anything funny about my heart pounding in my chest. "Yeah, sure. Not hard at all."

"So I want you to come over tomorrow. I would let you come tonight but I'm not sure how it'll go, and I know my mom would want to speak with you as soon as possible, so I guess tomorrow is best because if it's any later she'll get agitated and—"

"Relax," I say, even though I'm far from relaxed. "I'll be there. You know I will."

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you nervous?"

That makes him crack up. I let him laugh for about ten seconds before he says, "Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah." And then, "Did you read The Fisherman?"

By this point I know he's done with the conversation, and that means I must be done too. I've grown to understand and catch his cues. He's been calling the shots since day one, after all.

I've only been playing along.

***

By the time I make it to Casper's house in the morning, Mrs. Jeong is already on her way to her car. She's got a stack of files in one hand and a coffee threatening to spill in the other, and even though everything else about her looks perfect her face looks disoriented and dazed. I pause for a moment, thinking holy shit, he actually did it before I realise I should be helping instead of looking stupid.

"Let me help you out with those," I call, jogging up the driveway to take the files from her hand. She doesn't seem to recognise me for a moment; she stares wide-eyed and confused like I'm some stranger invading her personal space. Finally, something clicks in her head and she smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Oh, Holden. Hi. Thanks for the help. You can put those in the backseat." As I set the files down, she leans against the passenger window, staring at me. "I'm afraid Casper isn't home this morning, if that's what you came here for. He's at the hospital."

My heart flips in my chest. She notices my reaction and quickly waves a hand in the air, saying, "He's fine, he's fine. It's Winston. He got hurt last night."

I blink, straightening my back. "Winston?"

"Yeah. I got a call from his mother saying there's been an accident. Isn't that something? He was walking downtown when it happened—he was near a bar. Some lunatic comes barrelling down the street and just—" She stops and closes her eyes, breathing in and out before plastering that same smile on her face again. "He's fine. Well, relatively fine. Casper and his father left last night to go see him and they've been there ever since. I just came back to get some files I need and I'll be heading back now. Would you like to come?"

I can't tell her I'm not much of a fan of Winston, and I honestly couldn't care less about the news of him nearly dying, so I nod my head and follow her into the car. The only thing that's going on in my mind as we get strapped in and comfortable is he didn't tell them. He really didn't tell them. And I want to smile but I can't. Not with her sitting right next to me.

Mrs. Jeong stays silent during the whole drive there. She keeps one hand on the wheel with the other resting over her mouth, her eyebrows furrowed. The only thing that can be heard is the soft purr of the engine running, and I'm left sitting awkward with the seatbelt clutched tight in my hands.

I'm sweating a little by the time Mrs. Jeong parks her car at the hospital. She gets out right away but I hesitate a little, causing her to glance back in the car with some look on her face. "You coming?"

"Yeah, sure," I say, mostly because I don't want her to know that this is my first time at the hospital in a very long time. The last time I was here was when I broke my ankle at age three, and that was only because Dad couldn't do much about it at home. Dad; it's always about him. He doesn't believe in hospitals for some reason. I'm not sure why.