Journal // haylor

ix.

"Through the tears, i can hear that u shouldn't have gone. Everyday gets harder to stay away from you."

A second chance? I gave you two months to think.

This morning, i heard a knock on my door. I thought it was a friend but of course it was you with some roses and a bucket of my favorite ice cream. You looked better since i last saw you which is in a hospital bed. Your hair was brushed in place, i could tell you spent a long time facing the mirror. You always wanted to cut your hair short but i said i liked it better that way. I asked what do you want. And you answered, smiling, "its the 17th." You remembered. You cared just like what i thought. In the movie, this is where the part where they would be back together and then happily ever after but my life is not a movie and i don't believe in happily ever after. So i shut the door in your face but you kept knocking and asked me to give you a second chance. I finally gave in and open the door to only shout at you.

"A second chance? Isnt two months enough for you? Do you know how im breaking every night i see you came home drunk with a girl in your arm? Have i ever shouted at you? Have i ever slapped you? No! I gave you two months chance that means 61 chances, Harry! And you fucking waste it and you let me go and you fucking said i was a nobody. You had your chance. I would gladly take you back those times but look at my life, Harry. I can live without you. Im doing just fine even though you're still everywhere i go."

I saw you dropping a tear from your eyes and God knows why I'm a sucker for you. I didn't want to see you hurt.

"Taylor, im sorry, im so sorry." And you hugged me tight.

All i could think that time was i really do miss you. I miss your kiss, i miss your hug, i miss your smell, i miss your smile, i just miss you so much.

"Harry, let me go. I walked away from you because i wanted you to be happy. I realized i couldn't make you happy anymore and she could. Thats why i let you go." I said.

"But I'm not happy, Taylor. Im fucked up. Im a mess and don't you see it? I couldn't live without you." You let me go and wiped the tears in your eyes.

"But you're alive, Harry. You're still breathing and you don't need me anymore. If you can't live without me, you would be dead 5 months ago." Its not like I'm counting but i just remembered.

"Taylor, just give me another chance. I know i fucked up and i don't deserve you but here i am, begging in your front door for another chance with roses and your favorite ice cream."

I didn't know what to do at the moment. I wanted to shut the door in his face but it wouldn't work, because he would come to me and ask for it again and again. My mind was battling with my own heart. My mind was telling me

"Only for the ice cream." I said and i let you in.

We ended up sitting on my couch and talked for hours. Nothing has changed. Your eyes still light up when you smile. Your jokes were still bad and not funny. I realized that i still love you after these times. But these demons inside of me I trusted you with my heart and if you wasted it again, i swear im going to leave you without giving you another chance. This is your last chance and if you blew it up, you'll know whats coming.