Journal // haylor

vii

"And there you are on your knees, Begging for forgiveness, begging for me. Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry."

Why now and why would you buy a nobody some roses?

I don't understand you. I never do. I don't understand why do you hate chocolates. I don't understand why do you prefer turtle over cats or dogs. I don't understand why did you fall out of love with me. And i don't understand why were you on your knees with some roses in the rain after 4 months. Do you think its some kind of a game? Do you think i would come back to you just because you bought me roses? Do you think its that easy? You should've learnt that its not that easy because I have never yelled at you when you came home drunk but you didnt come back to me. I have never done anything that bothers you so much but you didn't come back to me. I made sure you got enough sleep and enough food but you never looked at me twice. I showed how much i loved you but you didn't come back to me. And don't you ever think i would come back to you with some roses you bought. Don't you think i would come back to you because you stood there in the rain. Because I went through hell when i was with you but it wasn't enough to make you come back to me. And why now, Harry? You just realized that its hard living without me? You cant take care of yourself? She cant make you your favorite meal? She cant calm you down when you had nightmares? You realized that i was more than a nobody? God, you finally realized this. You said four words that made me restless. "Come back to me." Come back to you? After these 4 months? I was doing just fine without you but you dared to throw rocks at my window and saying that i should come back to you. I would answer yes without a thought if you have done it sooner. Well, i could just answer yes right away and we would be laughing together right now but i realized that i could live my life without you. Why would i want to come back to you when i have an okay life. Yes, i do still love you and i dont think i will ever stop but i dont want to let my life go for you. Good friends, a nice apartment, a well paid job, healthy parents, now give me a reason why i should come back to you.