It was a week after Vic had told me he loved me, and I still hadn’t said it back. I did love him, but I was scared of telling him so, for whatever reason. He accepted that I wasn’t ready, but he continued to say it to me. He told me that he wouldn’t be in school that day, and I was not looking forward to facing the day alone. He had been being pretty secretive lately, and it was beginning to worry me.
Needless to say, school was hell. The only saving grace was that it was a Friday, and Vic would be coming over later. After second hour, Mary took it upon herself to trip me once again as I walked out of class, and her butt-buddy Mike laughed hysterically as he accompanied her out. I’m sure he knew who I was, so what was his deal ? I got up quickly without looking at either of them, only to be pushed down by some other girl. I fell so hard that my knee was definitely bruised, and beginning to swell a little. I used it as an opportunity to get out of class, and I wandered down to the nurse’s office. I killed about twenty minutes in there, lying that I had “tripped,” because technically, I had.
I couldn’t focus on school all day, I was too worried about Vic. For all I know, he could be cheating on me with someone better…maybe an older girl who was out of school ? Obviously that was unlike Vic, but stranger things have happened… I sighed as I ripped off more “emo girl” post-it’s off my locker, shuddering when I realized that I had turned into that “emo girl.” I self-consciously pulled down my sleeves, making sure no one could see my scars or fresh cuts. I walked to my fourth hour, alone.
After school had ended, I walked home quickly so that no one would bother me. As soon as I walked through my front door, my dad looked at me and said “Pruitt, grab me a beer.” “Dad, it’s only mid-afternoon…” I told him timidly. “I’m not going to ask you again !” he said sternly. I reluctantly grabbed him a bud-light from the fridge, and he snatched it out of my hand, cracking it open. I started to walk away when he said “Sit down, tell me about your day.” He seemed genuine, and I wondered if maybe he was changing his ways. Even though he had a lot of flaws, I still loved him and wanted him to change his ways and be more involved. I sat down next to him on the couch “Uh, it was alright I guess. Vic wasn’t at school today, and I hit my knee, but other than that…” I was lying through my teeth, this was one of the worst days I’d had in a while and I was about to go upstairs and cut myself because of it… “Where’s Vic at ? Is he still coming over today ? Your mom is coming home soon, in about an hour.” “He didn’t really say, and yeah.” My dad looked at me and actually smiled, then said “Alright, I’ll let you go up to your cave now.” He waved a hand toward the stairwell. I smiled and laughed a little “Okay dad, thanks.”
I felt a little better as I walked to my room, but I still had plans to self-harm that day. Maybe I would wait and see if things got better, and if they did, then I wouldn’t do it. It was cutting(no pun intended) it kind of close to when Vic and my mom would both be here anyway. I changed and fixed myself up, then settled down to wait for my boyfriend.
There was a knock on my door, and it broke me out of my musical trance. “Come in,” I said, expecting it to be Vic. Instead it was my dad, drunk as ever. My spirit fell at the sight of him stumbling over to me. He started calling me by a different name, and I was very confused. I didn’t have time to react as he yanked me off the window seat, then literally tossed me across the room. I hit my mirror, and it didn’t break, but it cracked, digging into my head. I guess he was hallucinating, because he kept calling me “Caroline” as he kicked me and smacked me around. He finally left after ten minutes, leaving me dazed and crying. It wasn’t often that I cried from his beatings, but today it just broke me. I had thought things were getting better between him and I, it had been a long time since this had happened. I was scared to tell my mom, because my Dad really was a good guy, he just drank a lot and got riled easily when he did so. I heard someone coming up the stairs, and I wiped my eyes quickly. It ended up being my mom, so that meant Vic was late. Perfect.
I rushed into the bathroom, closing the door and pulling up my sleeve. I drew two straight lines with the razor, smiling at the sight of blood. I deserved this. “Pruitt ?” Vic’s voice beckoned me from inside my bedroom. “Uh, be out in a minute !” I called, panicking. I tossed the razor in a drawer without cleaning it off, and shoved the drawer shut with a loud bang. I yanked my sleeve down and opened the door, trying to appear nonchalant. He greeted me with a smile, “ Hey babe, sorry I’m late.” I pulled him into a tight hug. “What’s wrong ? You seem upset.” His smile faded. “Nothing….just hold me.” “In that case…” He pulled me to the bed with a smile that still showed his worry.
I crushed my lips to his, need him so badly. He kissed me back, his tongue slipping into my mouth with a slight moan from both of us. Suddenly, I needed so much more. I just needed Vic, more than anything. I rocked my hips against his, and he grinned into the kiss. His hand slid up my thigh, resting on my hip, ever so slightly pushing my shirt up. I slipped my hands underneath his shirt, rubbing his back. He shivered at my touch on his bare skin, and moved his mouth to my neck. I laid down on the bed, and he kissed and caressed my neck, moving down to trace my collarbone with his lips. His warm breath was driving me insane, and I clutched at his hair, my eyes closed in pleasure. Vic kissed me once more on the lips, a soft peck, then lay down next to me. I cuddled up close to him, and we laid like that together for hours, falling asleep slowly in each other’s arms.
