Look After You - A Louis Tomlinson Love Story

Chapter 51: Safe Haven

"There you are! I was looking for you!" he smiled, sitting next to me on the bench, plopping his millions of bags on the floor next to mine. My heartbeat slowed and I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I've just been a little paranoid since.. you know.." I thought back to however long ago when I was still living in California. Even moving a whole country away didn't stop the paranoia.

"Yeah, it's understandable. So, did you find everything?"

"Yep. Ready for lunch?"

"Sure, let's go to that one burger place down the street." he knew exactly what I liked and I smiled while nodding quickly. We gathered our bags and brought them back to the car before walking down to the small restaurant that always seemed to be filled with people. We sat down and ordered quickly, our food arriving a little after that.

"So, where would you like to go for Christmas?" Louis asked me.

"I don't care. Anywhere. As long as it's snowing." I added and he chuckled.

"I was actually thinking both our hometowns. We could talk to our mums, make sure it was okay. Then stay in Doncaster on Christmas Eve for my birthday and drive up to Cheshire on Christmas day. It sounds complicated, but I think we could make it work."

"It sounds perfect." I reached across the table and grabbed his hand, making us both smile.

~~~~~About 45 minutes later~~~~~

"Are you nervous?" Louis asked me in the car as we drove to the dreaded hospital.

"No. Not at all. I have faith, remember?"

"Right." he nodded, focusing back on the road as we turned into the hospital's parking lot. One of the many "perks" to coming to the hospital so much was that the media always expected us to be here, so cameras were always near. I had learned to just ignore them, but sometimes it was hard to ignore when you couldn't even get in the building. Luckily, there were some police in the building that were happy enough to push the paps away from the doors. We walked in, hand in hand, making our way down the hall and to Dr. Hammond's office. Finally we found the door with his name written on it and softly knocked. Not a moment later, the door opened and revealed Dr. Hammond in his usual white coat. He invited us both in and we sat in the chairs facing his desk.

"How are you two doing? Excited for the holiday season?"

"Yes, very much. It'll be busy, but nonetheless, fun." Louis answered, making everyone let out a small chuckle.

"So, as you know, we got in your test results a few days ago. I understand you stopped taking your medication?" he asked, taking out a clipboard, reading and writing down new information.

"Well yes, but I'm taking them again. I was only off of them for about three weeks cause they were making me feel bad, but I'm used to it now." I smiled. I was feeling a lot better, which made sense that I would be in better condition then I was months ago.

"Well that's good. We will continue to have you taking those. However, according to these tests, your blood is showing  an increase in precursor B-cells." Okay, did this guy think we had been to medical school. What the hell is a B-cell?

"Is that good? I mean, we want more cells being produced, right?" I asked, my voice cracking at the end. Louis put his hand on my back and began rubbing circles across the surface, trying to calm my worries. I knew inside he was worried, but he wouldn't show anything. I was fairly good about  that too, even if I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

"Well, when you're B-cells increase, it means that your body has failed to complete remission, and that your treatment is also failing. Basically, that means you have an extremely poor prognosis." I had heard that word before. Prognosis. Or as it had been known to me, outcome.

"Most patients with this extreme form of leukemia, also known as a type of lymphoma now, do not achieve long term survival. You're chances are about fifty, so I'm not saying you're done. We just need to hold off on treatment until you show signs of responding to your medication again." Lies. Doctors always give you bad news, but then counteract it with better news to get your mind off of it. I had learned that a while ago and knew what I was in for. I probably wouldn't live for longer than a year at this point. Dr. Hammond was wrong, I was done.

He began talking again, speaking of more things we could do, but I wasn't listening. I doubt Louis was either. When he finished, Louis shook his hand and thanked him. I said nothing. We left the room and headed out to the car. Louis slid into the drivers seat and turned the car on, heat blasting in all directions.

"Bo, are you alright?" he asked my in almost a whisper. I said nothing. Instead, I turned and looked out the window.

One long, quiet car ride later we arrived in front of the house and I slowly followed Louis up the steps to the door. He opened it for me and I walked in, taking of my shoes and setting the bags down on the couch.

"I'm going to make some dinner, nothing too big, probably just some Mac & Cheese." he walked over to the kitchen and started working on his meal. I sat down on the couch and stared at the blank television screen. I just wasn't in the mood to do anything anymore, not think, not eat, and maybe not even breathe. Everything already felt somewhat dead.

 

Louis came and sat down next to me about fifteen minutes later with two bowls of the cheesy pasta in his hands. He set one down in front of me, waiting for me to pick it up and eat it. Instead, I stared at it. Mac & Cheese. I used to be obsessed with it back in high school when I barely had a break between school and practice. Remember the time I forgot water and the Easy Mac exploded in the microwave? Yeahhh, we needed a new microwave anyway.

"Ashley, you have to eat something." he said, holding the bowl up to me. I grabbed it but set it back down on the table. Not taking my eyes off of it.

"Listen to me Ashley. I know you're in shock. Trust me, I am too. But you can't shut the world out like this! You can shut me out like this! It's not good for you and it certainly isn't making me feel any better. So please, do something. Move, eat, speak, something? Anything?" he pleaded. I was hurting him. I was always hurting him. I felt tears start to form and soon enough, I was crying. Those cries quickly turned into an all out bawl. And suddenly I was wrapped in Louis arms, my tears soaking his gray sweater.

"Come on, let's go to bed. You're tired. You need to rest." he put his arms under my knees and back, lifting me up and carrying me up to the room. I had noticed earlier that Harry's car was gone, meaning he was probably out with some friends for the evening. Wait till he comes home and hears the news. Louis carefully set me down on the bed and wrapped my body in two warm blankets. He then quickly came over on the other side of the bed and crawled in next to me.

"Shhh. It'll be okay. It'll be okay." he cooed softly.

"No!" I cried loudly. "It won't! I'm about to loose everything! I'm about to loose you! And I c-I can't do that!"

"You won't loose me. No matter what happened you won't loose me. You won't loose me baby." he repeated softly, pulling my head up to his chest and brushing my short hair softly with his fingers. For some reason, as he continued to repeat those words, I began to calm down. I felt safe. I wasn't terrified of the unknown, but more curious. Louis was the one thing that gave me hope.

Louis was my safe haven.

(A/N: Dramatic, right? I can't believe it, but there are only 3 CHAPTERS LEFT! I'm so sad to be finishing this story, I've been working on it for almost a year now, even if it's only been up for about five months. I just want to take this oppurtunity to thank everyone that has read my story. I'm amazed that there are so many people who actually take time to read this cheesy mess of a love story, so thank you. Also thank you to anyone who has commented, voted, or shared this story. Please let me know of your predictions for the ending of the story, I'd love to hear from you! I also want to try something new: if this chapter can get 5 votes by tomorrow, I will update tomorrow. If not, I will wait until Saturday night or early Sunday. So, vote! xoxo -Katie)