The Way We Were

2.15

 The taxi drives away and I'm left on the curb outside of Luke's parents house. Luke's car is in the only one in the driveway, which I find strange. Unless this is a leisure trip and his parents are just out. And Aimee lied to me to make me look like an idiot. But how did she know I'd go after him? I walk up the front steps and knock on the door before I can tell myself not to. I repeat one phrase like a mantra in my head while I wait; You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. 

 When the door opens, I don't realize that I'm staring at the floor. I look up and Luke is standing there, one hand on the door, the other at his side, his face completely blank. He's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and even though it's such a simple outfit he looks amazing. Except for his face. He has dark circles under his eyes, which are red like he hasn't slept in a few days. My stomach turns and I want to pull him into a hug and make everything better. But I know I can't do that anymore. He has Aimee and I have Ian. 

 "What are you doing here?" he asks, his voice scratchy. "Hi to you too." I reply. "No, I mean why are you here? How are you here?" he asks again and I swallow hard. He sounds angry. Shit. I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have done this.

 "I don't know," is all I can say. He just stares at me and doesn't say anything. "I went to the coffee shop and Aimee was working there, and she told me you were out of town and I got concerned because of what she was saying and so I'm here." I blurt out. "I don't know why I came though, since you don't seem very happy to see me." I add and start to back up. 

 "Do you want to come inside?" Luke asks. His voice is softer, less angry now, but I still hesitate before stepping forward into the house. "Should I be worried? Is everything alright?" I ask when I'm in the door. Luke runs his hands over his face and through his hair. "My mom, she...she was in a bad car accident. My dad called me a few days ago and I drove up here. I should have flown, it would have been faster, but I had to leave as soon as possible and I didn't have the time or money on me to buy a ticket." 

 Luke sits down on the couch and closes his eyes. I sit down next to him. "Is she doing okay now?" I ask. "I don't know, she hasn't woken up yet but the doctors don't seem too worried. I just want her to wake up." he says. He leans forward with his arms on his thighs and his head in his hands. I place my hand lightly on his back. "Everything will be alright, eventually, okay? I'm-." I'm afraid to say that I'm here for him, afraid to possibly open a can of worms that could be misunderstood. But I say it anyways. "I'm here for you, if you want me here." I tell him. 

 He looks up at me and locks his eyes with mine. If we were still together I'd kiss him. But we're not so instead I hug him and breathe him in. He still smells like home. 

 It's silent for a little while longer. I sit uncomfortably next to Luke, who still has his head in his hands. I feel bad that I don't know another way to comfort him, that I can't make his mom wake up and be better. "Have you eaten dinner?" Luke asks suddenly. 

 "Um, no but I'm not that hungry." I tell him, but he gets up from the couch anyway. "Don't be silly, I'll make you something. What do you want?" he asks. He digs around in the refrigerator and I stand up. "Where is your dad?" I ask, moving into the kitchen. I sit at one of the barstools at the counter and watch him turn the stove on. 

 "He's at the hospital. He's been there all day, I think he's staying overnight." Luke tells me. He reaches up into a cabinet above the stove and pulls out a box of macaroni and cheese. "Is this okay?" Luke asks me with a smile. Spongebob mac and cheese. I smile back at him and nod my head. He ties a flowery apron around his waist as a joke and winks at me, causing me to laugh loudly. He laughs too, quietly though, and I see the worried look from before pass over his face again. I reach across the counter and flick on the radio that's pushed against the wall. 

 As he's boiling the water and stirring in the noodles, Luke starts swaying his hips and pretends to sing into a wooden spoon. I get up from my stool and twirl around the kitchen while he sings along to the song on the radio. I grab a whisk and sing with him, at the top of my lungs, in an off-pitch voice that matches his. 

 And he's smiling constantly, which makes me feel a little better. This morning I didn't think I'd be trying to comfort Luke in Seattle and dancing around his parents house singing into kitchen utensils, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. When the mac and cheese is ready, we sit down at the small kitchen table and eat quietly. The happy aura from earlier has faded and now we're sitting in silence. Except it's not uncomfortable or awkward. Then Luke asks a question that makes me want to roll my eyes. 

 "So, why did you go to the coffee shop? Looking for me, were you?" he asks, smirking. I drop my spoon in the bowl and purse my lips together. "Why did you have to go and ruin the nice time we were having?" I ask, part of me sarcastic, the other part not. 

 "What do you mean?" he laughs and takes another bite. "You're so full of yourself." I laugh at him. "I thought you found that charming." he taunts me and I'm tempted to throw a spoonful of mac and cheese at his face. 

 "I will flick this at you, I'm not afraid." I fake threaten and lift the spoon out of the bowl. "Woah, woah, woah. No need to get violent, babe." he says and holds his hands up in surrender. My face falls and I put the spoon down.

 "You can't call me that anymore." I say and eat so I don't have to talk again. "Ariel, I'm sorry. I was just joking around, and..." he says and I sigh. "It was okay before, you get that right? I mean I know I told you I hated it, but that was part of...you know." I say. "Yeah, I know. I get it." he says.

 It's silent again while we finish our mac and cheese. Luke takes my bowl when I'm finished and I sip from my glass of wine. "Classy," I said when he first placed it down in front of me.

 "I should probably get going." I say while Luke's washing out the dishes. "Home?" he asks.

 "No, Zoey and I are staying at a hotel. I'm sorry I kinda just showed up. Aimee said that stuff and I got worried. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I say, grabbing my purse from the couch. When I turn around, Luke is standing in front of me. "You don't have to apologize, Ariel. I really appreciate you coming. I don't think anyone else would have done that." he says. 

 "Why didn't you ask Aimee to come with you? Why didn't you tell her what was going on?" I ask. He hesitates. "If I tell you something, can you promise not to repeat it to her?" he asks. Now its my turn to hesitate. "Okay...." I say slowly.

 "I didn't want her to come. I...I needed some time away from her, I think. I don't know, we've been hanging out a lot and I just wanted to be with my family." he explains. I nod my head, feeling guilty for not even thinking about that, but it's too late now. "Again, I'm sorry I showed up." I repeat. 

 "You're like my family, Ariel. Not in the brother sister way or anything, but I know you better. It feels better to have someone I know here with me. I'm just glad we can talk and hang out and stuff and not have it be weird or anything." he says. I nod, not really knowing what to say. We're entering dangerous territory, bringing up conversation that I don't really want to have. I want to stay in this happy little moment we had tonight, and not think about his mom or our relationship. I wanted to think about right now.

 We stand there for a few minutes, him just staring at me. I glance once at his lips and mentally yell at myself. Not now, while he has a girlfriend back home and is currently very vulnerable. Not now because that would bring up too many things that I can't afford to remember or focus on right now. 

 "I'm sorry." he whispers.

 And after a minute, I whisper "Me too." 

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 I call Zoey once I'm outside and ask her to pick me up. I didn't want to make Luke drive me, especially since we drank with dinner. She pulls up five minutes later, and I get in the car. Almost all the lights in the house are off, with the exception of a room at the top of the house. I see a figure behind the curtain but turn around before I actually see who it is. I know who it is, and I don't want him to see me cry.