Before, After & In-between

Chapter 34 - Now

The wind-down has begun in our beachy little neighborhood, that emotional angst the end of summer brings. Golden yellow and crimson leaves fall to the ground amidst the subtle breeze. It's the season of change, of transformation from summer nights to mellow evenings by the fire. Where without even noticing the shift from warm sunny afternoons meld into mornings blanketed with a crisp glossy dew. Bathing suits are replaced with cozy sweaters and wool socks, hot coffee's over iced. I won't deny I do love seeing Darrin in a plaid shirt, he really suits the whole mysterious lumber jack look. Its just that familiar longing for a season that came and went too fast festers in a place I miss. But, like the comfort of a warm drink on a cold day I embrace in the change taking place around me, in me, for me.

The sound of worn planks creak beneath my feet as I enter The Bookkeepers Inn, I haven't been here since before my mom passed. It feels like decades and I half expected it to look entirely different, yet thankful it's the same old homey library it's always been.

"Is that...well I'll be dammed it is you!" Bev says rounding the oak bookcase that runs the center of the room.

I laugh at the mixed emotions that cross her face, "It's nice to see you too, and look," I say holding up my bag, "I come bearing gifts."

We walk to the front desk where I begin stacking the past due books from my satchel, "How much is this going to run me?"

"For you, nothing. I waived that fee a long time ago."

I frown, "Bev I don't require special treatment, I am a delinquent customer and I deserve be treated as such."

She chuckles at my sternness and rounds the counter, pulling up my file on her computer, "Well then, ten books at six months past due...that'll be...two hundred and seventy dollars," she says looking up with a grin.

"Uh, oh...well that is a lot isn't it..."

"I'm kidding, well I'm actually quite serious but please it's the least I can do..." she furrows her brow in sentiment.

And there it is, her sympathy. A few months ago her gesture alone would have sent me into a tail spin but since I've been going to therapy I've learned to acquire the warmth of someone's condolence. Instead of being repelled by it or uncomfortable, I absorb it, and I understand. They truly care about me and that realness reminds me that I need those caring people in my life. The ones that have my back.

"Thanks Bev, I really appreciate it."

I take my time browsing through the shelves, normally I would have a basket full of every vampire witch and werewolf love combo I could find, but I don't seem to be drawn to them the way I used to. I still love a good fantasy novel, but I continue to find myself guided toward the books that feel real. To the ones about heartbreak, and love, loss and grief. I read the jacket on the inside of In Five Years. It sounds impossibly sad but lovey and twisty and it sounds real. Before I know it I have a pile of contemporary books, a collection sure to be tear jerkers.

Bev raises an eyebrow as she checks them through the scanner, "This is different."

"Mmhmm, it is, but I'm different now," I smile confident in my choices, "do you mind if I stay and read a bit?"

"Of course! Would you like some tea?"

What is it with everyone and tea, "Do you happen to have any coffee?"

"I do, and if I remember correctly you like it black...just as your mom did?"

I nod, and make my way to the big green lazy boy she has in the back corner, she's carved out a little reading nook with a small table and circular woven rug. My mom always used to read here, it was her quiet space when the house was too loud.