Before, After & In-between

Chapter 24 - Now

Last night when we got back to the apartment I tried my best to keep up appearances. Darrin rambled on for hours about the school, about the places he could live, about the things we would do. He painted a landscape of life, a beautiful, but imaginary life. I let him dream because who am I to stomp all over someone's hope. Also, I am too much of a coward to shatter him just yet. But when the night became so black and silent and all that was left was the soft hum of his breath pressing into my neck, I laid frozen with fear. Stared into the darkness of reality wide eyed and imagined all the ways in which my heart was about to break.

"That's everything." Darrin says, shoving the last of the blankets into the back of the jeep. We got up early this morning to get a head start home, well they got up early I on the other hand never went to sleep. And now it shows in shades of purple and blue that hang beneath my eyes... that and the delirium in my head. I just want to get home. Get home and be alone, be alone to process, be alone to figure things out.

We pull away from 1106 Prescott Lane and I silently say goodbye. I mourn the cozy bedroom that Darrin and I shared for two nights, the clawfoot tub I'll never get to soak in, and the memories Leah and I will never make.

"Hey, I almost forgot," Leah says leaning forward and aggressively grabbing onto the backs of our seats, "can we swing by the University for a minute, there is something in the student office I have to bring home for my mom to sign."

"Yeah, no problem," Darrin looks to me for confirmation and I nod. Even though every cell in my body jitters with hesitation. He raises an eyebrow at me, "So did you tell her yet?"

I steal a sideway glare in his direction, until realizing what he's referring to, "Oh, no I haven't."

"Um, tell me what?" Leah asks, "I'm right here!"

She waits expectantly but I don't have the enthusiasm Darrin deserves, "Why don't you tell her, it is your news after all."

He pauses for a moment, "Okay...I guess," then he looks into the rearview mirror catching Leah's eye, "Looks like, you might not be getting rid of me just yet," he grins, "well at least not for long."

"What on Earth does that mean?" she asks skeptically.

"You are looking at, possibly, well hopefully if I get in a student of Centennial Culinary Institute."

"You're joking!" she smacks him, "that's amazing Darrin!"

I fold into myself with horror at her reaction. Her excitement toward him is what I should have felt, should have portrayed.

"Thanks," he says reserved "you know it all depends if I get in, but...yeah maybe I'll be livin out here with you guys eventually."

He glances at me with a blush that consumes his creamy complexion and I want to shake myself. I want to pinch my skin, awake me from the stupor I'm settled in. I want to smile at him and kiss him, and pour my pride into him because truly, this is everything he deserves. But selfishly I am terrified.

"You'll get in," I say, "I have no doubt you'll get in."

"Well, we better find me a boyfriend because I'll be damned if I'm to spend the entire year a third wheel," she tisks, "no offense, I love ya guys, but not that much."

"None taken," Darrin chuckles and I just roll my eyes at her.

We drive a bit further until I see the gates of St. Mary's. Darrin pulls up the roundabout and parks in front of the student hall entrance. The scene today is quite different then it was a few days before, no partying or stragglers, the excitement has faded. The beginning of the end, the end of the carefree world they were living in. Now, in just a few short weeks real life begins. And it's a somberness that edges at my anxiety, as much as I love everything about this city I suddenly ache to be as far away from it as I can get.