Before, After & In-between

Chapter 9 - Now

Chapter 9 – Now

I haven't seen Darrin in two weeks, haven't stepped foot on Main Street, or went to the Bookkeepers Inn to grab the pile of books Bev has waiting for me. I've avoided that part of town all together because I am not sure I trust myself to stay away from him. I haven't forgotten about him, if anything the absence of whatever space he held is remarkably extra. What confuses me is how I feel like I've lost something that was never mine in the first place.

These last few weeks I've tried to be more careful, every day I go through the motions of dressing and putting on my runners, lie about my time, about my sore muscles, splash water on my neck and chest before walking back into the house. It's so tangible that sometimes I forget it isn't real and I forget that I am no longer moving to Halifax in September. It's become so easy to live in the lie of before because that was the life, I was happiest in.

I'm meeting Leah at the beach. Ever since she regained her freedom she has been on me 24/7 to hangout and today is by far the hottest day of the summer so I figure I'll kill two birds with one stone. I throw on a tank and shorts over my bathing suit and grab my runners for show.

"Dad, I'm going for a run with Leah," I shout, throwing a towel and sunscreen into a bag on my way out the door.

"Okay," he pauses, and I worry for a minute that he might question me but all he says is, "make sure you stay hydrated today." My façade is working because he has no reason to think otherwise.

The beach is busy but not overly packed which surprises me given how hot it is, I find an open spot and sit on my towel. I don't remember the last time we had a heat wave this bad, the sun blazes against my skin already turning it a rosy pink. I pull out my phone to see where Leah is when I spot her running down the hill towards the sand, golden skin, smiling, and arms flailing as her crochet beach bag swings from her shoulder. I can't help but laugh, she is the happiest part of my life right now, it's hard to feel anything but a giddy joy when I am with her, and this is exactly what I need today.

"Holy crap, could it be any hotter?" she laughs breathless, then dumps the contents of her bag onto my towel, "I brought everything."

"Ooh," I say snatching the pack of sour keys, "how did you know I was craving these?"

"Because I'm the greatest," she gushes, "I was going to bring chocolate covered almonds, but they would probably melt everywhere, so I just brough plain ones." She says disappointed with her choice.

"Thanks," I say looking at the pile of snacks and drinks she brought, "I didn't bring anything."

"But your runners..."

"Hmm?"

"Why did you bring your runners?"

Shoot I forgot to shove them in my bag, "Oh I went for a run first."

She frowns, "You should have told me I would have gone with you I need to step it up."

"It was a last min decision, speaking of...I'm so sweaty I'm going to jump in the water quick!"

She eyes me as I pull off my tank and slip out of my shorts, not a glimmer of sweat to be seen, I fling my shorts in her face then race to the water.

"Oh, hell no," I hear her say. I glance back to see her shimmy out of her beach cover up and race up behind me.

The sand burns through my feet and pulls me down, but I hit the water first splashing furiously in my speed, Leah is on my heels laughing but the momentum becomes too fast for her to slow, and she comes flying into the water a tangle of arms and legs. I nearly choke on my laughter.