Should I say yes to Mr Green

The Funeral

A/N: I apologize for if any tears are shed whilst reading this chapter. Credit to the song goes to P!nk

For the rest of the week I barely saw anyone other than Miles. We were spending the time making sure everything was perfect for mum’s funeral. Somehow I managed to control my emotions after the first day of planning. I guess after that day my heart had gone hard and my tear ducts had dried up.

That was up until the day of the funeral.

The time came when I had to get dressed so I could follow the hearse. Miles was going to be the head pallbearer. It was what mum had asked for. In her will she had specified certain things she wanted for her funeral. Miles was to be the head pallbearer, me to be head mourner. The wake to be at our house, and the flowers to be: violet aster, white carnations, lily of the valley and Queen Anne’s lace.

We gave her those wishes, and decided that this wouldn’t be a conventional funeral, just like mum wasn’t a conventional woman.

Walking to the church I was stable. That probably had to do with the fact that I had Nicholas holding my hand, and Rachel, Lexy and Chloe close behind me. None of them knew my mum but they knew how much Miles and I loved her so were there for support, something I had a feeling I was going to need.

I greeted people at the back of church, stood in my floor length black gown that used to belong to my mother. -It felt fitting that what she wore to her mother’s funeral, would be worn to her own- with my hair pinned up in French twist and a black veil to cover my eyes. Black gloves graced my arms and a white carnation was pinned to the breast of my dress.

And then came the coffin with my brother and the other pallbearers. I couldn’t look at the coffin, and luckily no-one expected me too. Halfway through the service it was time for Miles’ eulogy of sorts... I knew it had taken him a long time to write but he had refused to show me it, just like I had refused to tell him what I had planned to do.

He stood by the coffin and cleared his throat. He had tears in his eyes and he hadn’t even started. This was going to set me off, I just knew it.

“First, I’d like to thank you all for coming on behalf of myself and my sister. Secondly, I’d like to tell you some things about my mother.

“She was a kind soul, a soul broken and bruised by my father. He took it upon himself to make her a shell of himself when he no longer loved her.

“Between the two of them they brought my sister and I into the world. And we couldn’t have been happier. That was until father’s mistress came onto the scene. Mother knew. She always knew. In fact she told me she knew it would happen when she married him, she just could guess when he would choose his mistress.

“She lived her life to the full. And never had any regrets. Except one. And that was that after dad had divorced her, she went off the rails. Not that anyone could blame her. It was always noticeable just how much she loved him. I guess that’s why Anna and I were always spoiled. We reminded her of the man she loved.

“Janice Martha Brown... We miss you, we love you and we will never forget you.”

Wow. That’s why he didn’t show me. He ranted a bit about dad... and I was right. It made me cry. Hallelujah for waterproof mascara.

By the time Miles had got back to his seat and I needed to stand up, I had wiped my tears and had composed myself. I stood and walked to the coffin, kissed mum’s forehead and looked into the pews for the face that would give me courage. But he wasn’t there. Where had Nicholas gone? I found out though a moment later when I heard the introduction to the song I was about to sing being played on acoustic guitar.

Of course! I had told Nic of what o was going to do and he played guitar... he’d learnt to play it so I would be stood up here on my own. Gosh I love that boy.

I was going to sing a song by P!nk, a song that fitted perfectly into the mood of the day. It’s called ‘beam me up’

“There's a whole 'nother conversation going on In a parallel universe. Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.

There's a waltz playin' frozen in time Blades of grass on tiny bare feet I look at you and you're lookin' at me.

“Could you beam me up, Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it

I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face

Beam me up, Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter, I think a minute's enough, Just beam me up

“Saw a blackbird soarin' in the sky, Barely a breath I caught one last sight Tell me that was you sayin' goodbye,

There are times I feel the shiver and cold, It only happens when I'm on my own, That's how you tell me I'm not alone

“Could you beam me up, Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it

I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face

Beam me up, Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter, I think a minute's enough, Just beam me up.

“In my head I see your baby blues I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights I'll pick a star and watch you shine

“Just beam me up, Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it

I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face

Beam me up, Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,

I think, a minute's enough,

Beam me up Beam me up Beam me up Could you beam me up.”

I had gotten to the final verse before breaking down. I was surprised I’d managed that long. But thank all that is healthy Nic was singing along with me, giving the strength to carry on. I finished the song –somehow I’d sat at the foot of mum’s coffin during it- and silence filled the church. Then there was a quiet clap. Then the church was filled with quiet applause. I couldn’t move though. I didn’t want to. So miles came and carried me back to the pew, handing me over to Nic when he had to carry the coffin again.

If I'm totally honest the rest of the day passed in a blur of people saying they were proud of me and how they knew mum. But I must say I was glad when everyone but Nic and Miles had left. Miles had gone up to the gym –it had been a hard day for both of us- and Nic was with me.

“Anna, go get ready for bed. You need to rest” he was going into father mode, I was very glad of it as well. I walked up the stairs and got changed in the bathroom knowing that Nic had followed me upstairs to make sure I went to bed.

“Nic, can you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to do something, I just need to be held.” I was shocked that I had said it but at the same time pleased I had.

He smiled gently at me and motioned that he’d be one minute. He was true to his word and was back in a minute, putting me into bed with him cuddling me from behind. I could feel his warm skin through the material of my nightdress. Within moments I was fast asleep, lulled into a dream world by the sound of his breathing.