Castles crumbling (Taylor Swift's little sister)

Chapter 40

The next day Tree was taking Taylor out for breakfast, and then they were going to the hospital to visit you. Andrea needed to run some errands, so she was not going to be able to visit you. When they got to the restaurant, Tree noticed Taylor was getting anxious, they sat down and before ordering Tree asked Taylor:

- "What is it? You're anxious"

- "I'm not. Let's order" Taylor said trying to not give her anxiety away. But it was Tree who she was with, of course Tree knew what was wrong.

- "It's because of the food. Isn't it?" Tree went straightforward.

- "It's not. You know I love having breakfast" Taylor answered pretending to be looking at the menu.

- "Taylor, stop lying. You're anxious because you cannot control how they prepare food here" Tree said and Taylor's eyes watered.

- "It's fine. I'm fine" Taylor replied swallowing her tears back.

- "Tay... how can I help you?" Tree asked holding the blonde's hand.

- "I don't know. I'm trying...but it's hard" Taylor replied.

- "Are you still going to therapy?" Tree questioned.

- "Yeah. Every two weeks, but maybe I need to go weekly?" Taylor said wiping her tears away and calming down.

- "I think that might be helpful. Also, Tay, I think that you need to speak your mom about this. So, she can support you at home" Tree suggested.

- "No! No way. I don't want her to know. She'll think I failed. Besides, I'm eating" Taylor claimed.

- "She won't think that. She knows that this is not a linear process. And yes, you are eating, but you're surviving mostly on safe foods and that's why you're anxious right now, cause this is not "safe"". Tree said still holding Taylor's hand.

- "Please. Let's try to do this on our own. Let's not involve my mom right now. Please. She's been through hell with all this situation with Lizzie, she's a bit better now that Lizzie's labs and organs are getting out of the woods. I'm doing better with exercise; I'm not over working out" Taylor said crying again.

- "Okay, I'm glad to know that. So, how can we manage this without involving her? I'm listening to your ideas" Tree said.

- "I'll keep going to therapy, but I'll be going weekly. As for the food..." Taylor's voice broke, she couldn't think about any good idea that could help her yet it didn't include her mom.

- "You'll let your mom cook for you, okay? We need you to try to stay away from controlling your intake. If your mom offers to cook, you will let her, alright? And I'll try to come over as much as possible to cook your meals, bring food or take you out to eat. Okay? I won't tell you what we are eating, that way you won't stress over that, okay?"

Taylor gulped and nodded but was evidently thinking twice about Tree's proposal.

- "We'll fight this. We need you to face those foods that scare you. We need you to hand over the control. You know that recovery is not only about eating and being at a healthy weight, it's part of it, but having a healthy mindset around food and not having the need to control everything it's equally as important" Tree said rubbing Taylor's hand. Then the redhead continued: - "Let's start right now. I'm ordering your breakfast"

- "NO!" Taylor said, but she thought over it and then added - "Okay. Let's do this".

The pair had breakfast together. Taylor was nervous but ate everything and Tree discretely encouraged her. Then they both went to the hospital to visit you. Tree bought a knitting kit, a book and a diamond painting kit for you. She knew you loved hands craft stuff and that you needed a distraction.

You managed to eat completely your breakfast, as you said, you were trying again. You were making friendship bracelets and listening to music when Tree appeared in the door, with Taylor behind.

You smiled widely at Tree and Tree's eyes watered as soon as she saw you in that bed. You looked so unwell compared to the last time she saw you.

- "Lizzie! How are you?" The redhead said approaching to your bed to hug you.

- "Hey Tree! I'm doing better, what about you? I've missed you!" You said hugging her back.

- "I've missed you too. I'm fine" Tree said wiping her tears away.

- "Why are you crying? I know that you love me, but don't cry" you said confused.

- "I'm sorry. I'm just happy to see you again" Tree claimed. She was, in fact, happy to see you, but she was also shocked at how bad you looked. She didn't know if it was the feeding tube, but you looked really ill laying in that bed.

Tree handed you the gifts she brought for you, you thanked her and then you laughed for a while with the two women until your morning snack came. You stared at the food for a minute and then asked them what they were eating.

- "Oh, we just ate breakfast. Tree took me to this lovely restaurant...." Taylor said.

- "I did, but that was like 3 hours ago. I'll go and look for something for us to eat" Tree said and rubbed Taylor's shoulder gently. About 10 minutes later Tree came back with two chocolate chip cookies and two cappuccinos. Taylor gulped and texted Tree: "I can't. Please" while Tree approached to your bed and placed their snack in a table. Then she took out her phone and saw Taylor's text: "You can, and you will. I'm here. I'm having the same as you are".

You all ate, and Tree was amazed at how well you handled morning snack, she padded Taylor's back every now and then so the blonde could feel her support. When Dr. Khan was doing rounds, she came to your room and greeted Tree, then she told Taylor about yesterday's incident, and you blushed in shame. But Taylor held your hand to show you support and whispered to your ear "A slip doesn't define you"

- "We cannot let you go out today, Elizabeth. I'm sorry, but actions have consequences. Also, your heart got worse last night, it's better to keep you here right now. Additionally, I'd like you to know that we're changing the feeding tube tomorrow. Okay?" Dr. Khan said.

- "I get it. I'm sorry" you replied humiliated.

- "Wait, what happened to her heart?" Taylor asked panicking.

- "It was probably because of the incident; her heart must've been put through a lot of effort. During night the heart rate dropped again to 29-30 bpm" Dr. Khan claimed trying not to give her fear away.

- "Fuck. I really fucked up this time" you mumbled.

- "We'll keep an eye on that, Elizabeth. Let's hope your heart improves within the next few days". Dr. Khan turned to Taylor and said: "Will you let know Mrs. Swift know about this, Taylor, please?"

- "Of course," Taylor responded before Dr. Khan prepared to leave, but you started to sob loudly.

- "It's okay, baby. You're okay. We're not mad, neither disappointed" Taylor said stroking your hair.

- "It's not okay! I just can't do this! I'm so fucking tired.  I'm trying but it's never enough for the doctors. I try my best, but then my mind gets so loud, and I cannot resist. I'm tired of waking up every day without seeing a point in living. I'm tired of feeling so empty while being so privileged and "having" everything in life. I'm tired of looking at my reflection and be disgusted. I'm tired of not being able to exercise yet feeling lazy the whole day because of not doing it. I'm tired of not being able to rest when I sleep. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of being me. I hate myself. I hate myself for doing this to you and to the happy Lizzie I was once was" you bursted out and then looked at Tree and Taylor shocked at what you had just said. Taylor's eyes were filled with tears, but Tree's eyes were too. So, you added: - "Sorry Tree, I invited you to come over to have a nice time, but instead you're here seeing this shitty side of me"

Tree held your hand and said: - "There's nothing to be sorry for, Liz. This is not a shitty side of you, you're struggling, we all do sometimes" then she gently wiped your tears. Taylor mouth opened but no words came out.

- "You're really depressed, Elizabeth, all those thoughts are coming from your illness. We don't want to keep you in here forever, I can see that you need therapy to address those thoughts and fears, recovery is not only about gaining weight. We cannot offer that kind of treatment in this hospital, as much as we'd like to. Once your heart gets healthier, we'd like to make a referral so you could move to an inpatient treatment at a specialized eating disorders clinic, you need a higher level of care than the one we can provide. You are doing good, Elizabeth. Keep fighting" Dr. Khan declared before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Once the doctor left, you turned to Taylor again:

- "I'm sorry. I know that what I just said hurt you so much"

Finally, Taylor was able to speak: - "Don't be sorry. Of course I'm hurting right now, but just because I hate seeing you like this. I hate to know that you're feeling this way... I hate to know that you're hurting so much, Baby. If I could get into your head and make you see yourself the way that others see you, or at least the way I see you; trust me, I would. You're a wonderful young woman, you're so intelligent, so generous. We will get over this. I'm not leaving your side"

The rest of the evening went better. You ate lunch and laughed with Tree and Taylor. You opened the diamond painting kit and spent a whole hour trying to find out how it worked. When it was time for them to leave you thanked Tree for coming.

- "Thank you for inviting me, I really wanted to see you, Liz" the redhead said.

When they were heading out the door you said:

- "I know that you secretly love me more than you love Taylor, Tree" you said chuckling and the women laughed too. – "I'll keep trying, Tay. I know that I said that I'm tired. But I want you to know that I'm also tired of being stuck in here. I'm also tired of hating myself. I want to get better. I feel like my mind is split in two: half of it wants to get better, and the other half hates the fact that I just said that. I'm doing my best to listen to the good half"

The left , Tree side hugging Taylor when they were walking towards the elevator. Taylor and Tree left heartbroken because of what you said, but also heart warmed because you were tired of your illness.