Shane Radcliffe - Desire

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POV: Shane Radcliffe

I am a fortunate guy. In fact, I'm lucky. I know this about myself, and I am grateful for it.

On paper, I am healthy, handsome, and rich. My family owns the third-largest soft drink company in the world. I live in a mansion, and my estate spans an entire hill in Lake Oswego, the wealthiest part of Portland. I have a dog and a pool I swim in regularly. I captain the swim team at my school. I am a Lounge Elite.

I am a fortunate guy. In fact, I'm lucky. I know this about myself, and I am grateful for it.

My mansion is big—all mansions are big—and I live in the big mansion alone. My father works all the time. His business trips take him all over the world, and home has never been one of his layovers. My mother likes to vacation. I wonder where she is now. My siblings are grown and out of the house, and the one cousin I had anything close to a relationship with blew up with my old home. 

I am a fortunate guy

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I am a fortunate guy. In fact, I'm lucky. I know this about myself, and I am grateful for it.

I am an heir to a multibillion-dollar company. My family is one of the richest in the world. Radcliffe is synonymous with Rockefeller, Mars, Koch, and Cargill. But among the Radcliffes, I am the black sheep. Even when I wasn't alone in the house on the hill, I was never wanted. I have never known what it feels like to be wanted.

People don't like me. I am unsure why. I have tried to figure it out but have never found an answer. Justen, I have known since I was five. He hated me at first but grew to enjoy me at some point. Carrick, I met in middle school. He thought I was entertaining from the start.

I met Holly and Taylor in high school. They hated me. Holly still hates me. Taylor is indifferent now, I think.

When I am not alone, I spend most of my time with the four of them. They are my friends. Two of them don't mind me, and two of them tolerate me. But no one wants me.

I am a fortunate guy. In fact, I'm lucky. I know this about myself, and I am grateful for it.

I learned that being funny and unserious keeps people around me. They don't want to know about my problems. I'm rich; I am not supposed to have problems. People don't want to know me. They want my money. They want my body. They want a good time. They don't want me.

Middle school taught me that I am attractive, and high school showed me the attention it grants me. Women want me. When they have me, I don't feel so lonely. After they have me, they leave. I don't know why. After some time, I stopped trying to get them to stay. I realized that they never really wanted me.

When Justen and Carrick are busy, I spend my time reading and swimming laps in the pool. I read a lot. That's all there is to do in a big house with no one else in it.

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