The One I Cannot Have

Chapter 93: I wanna hold you when I'm lying close to someone else

"Better than that night" I replied and he slowly ran his hands all over me.

We stood under the shower silently for a while, it was almost dark outside, only a dim natural light entering through the window.

He carried me to the bed after bathing. I stayed silent waiting for him to start making out with me. He didn't, instead he laid beside me under my sheets.

"You don't want me anymore?" I broke the silence.

"What made you think that?" he replied, resting his palm on my belly.

"You aren't fucking me anymore. You are supposed to fuck me twice by this moment. You didn't do anything much in the shower, which is not normal"

"Siya, you should ask me instead of making assumptions"

"Tell me"

"I'm just scared, I don't want to make you bleed again. I feel like I should give it some time to heal before doing anything again"

"It's already been almost 3 days"

"I was supposed to be on the weekend, it's just not usual"

"There was a time I used to bleed myself 2-3 times a day everyday"

"I hate you for that"

"Ah?"

"You didn't care about yourself. You were insensitive"

"I cared about my orgasms. I was so addicted to having climax. Damn it took me so long to get over"

"When was it?"

"Two years ago I guess, when I was 21"

"How did you finally get over it?"

"I knew it wasn't good for my health, I was just unable to control myself. Then I started controlling myself. It happened"

"You are dangerous than men"

"Not to others" I said, adjusting myself on my pillow when I felt uncomfortable underneath my head.

I removed my pillow and my eyes caught a velvety crimson colour small box underneath.

"What's this?" I asked pulling out the box.

Gary just raised his eyebrows and made an innocent face without saying anything.

It looked like a jwellery box, I opened and my eyes stuck on a pair of shiny long earrings. I could say it's of diamonds, atleast of a dozens.

"These are for your girlfriend? You want me to review this before you present her?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because a lot of men do that. A lot of men actually took my suggestions before gifting jwellery to their girlfriends. Literally they come to the worst person to take suggestions about jwellery"

"I won't do that, I would rather take you to the store and buy you everything you touch"

"Shut up, you are being so typical"

"Typical men only talks about bringing moon and stars for their lady, I don't say that. I say what I can do, and I can indeed buy you a whole jwellery shop"

"Okay, so why is this here? What's the point?"

"I got this for you. As an apology for that night" he replied and I felt like a lightning in my brain.

"I already forgave you. The sunflowers were good enough. I don't need diamonds"

"Flowers can be enough for you, but I brought this as an apology, it's for you. I was drowning in guilty"

"Gary see, I can't take this" I said getting up and sitting on the bed.

"It's already on your bed, it's yours"

"No. It is hell of an expensive. I can't take this expensive gift from you, and more than that it's useless to me"

"Useless? I have only seen woman smile wider and ready to take it raw when they see diamonds"

"You can't convince me to do raw with diamonds. Jwellery has always been useless thing for me. Have you ever saw me wearing any jwellery?"

"You wear a ring"

"It's fucking cheap, not even half a dollar. And the shape of my ring is like a plain wedding band, I don't even feel like it's on my fingers"

"I didn't get you a ring because you might start overreacting thinking I'm proposing you" he pulled my back to his arms while saying.

"I am glad you didn't. See, I really appreciate this, but I honestly can't take it. This is not right, you already spent so much on me, and I don't know if these are from black money or not."

"Why do you think my money is illegal?"

"Because you don't tell me much about your business, I can't say you are so rich out of restaurants."

"You don't tell me about yourself either"

"What else do you want to know?"

"You don't tell me about your family, your childhood, about your previous love life. You tell me nothing at all"

"Why do you want to know all these? What is the necessary?"

"Because even if there is nothing between us, I am interested in you and I want to know more about you" he said running his fingers between my hairs.

"You know about Abhimanyu..."

"He isn't the only one from you past, I guess you have other things in your life too? Your parents? Other boys? Other important things? You can't ignore everything just talking about Abhimanyu, you don't even tell me the details about Abhimanyu either"

"There's no point in telling you about him"

"I don't want to hear either, tell me about other things."

He was wanting to know about myself, but the only thing I could think of was Abhimanyu, his face came floating in front my eyes when Gary was asking me to tell me about myself. I was thinking of my high school crush while I am lying close to someone else. I could see smile, his style, his gesture. It was the only thing I can talk day and night. He was special, he still is, how can I ever move on my heart from him? He was just everything I ever desired.