The One I Cannot Have

Chapter 5: Who are you in the Dark?

I reached my room on a rented floor for the weekends. Pulled out all the clothes from my body and collapsed on the bed. I close my eyes for some time. Thinking about his face. The face I was used to seeing every day 9 years ago. The face that used to light my mood up whenever I used to feel low. The face that was always cheerful and happy. The fact that I always searched for 9 years. What happened to that face? Now that face is looking very tired exhausted and almost dead. He doesn't look like a peaceful human being. His face says a lot. He got some darkness under his eyes. I never thought that will ever emerge on his fair skin. His voice did not change much I knew it 9 years ago.

It was Sunday afternoon and only the sound of the fan above my head was coming into my ears. I look at the clock and decided to get a cold shower. I got naked and stood under the shower to take a bath. I started feeling something different sensation on my body. I don't know what was happening around me but I saw something was coming back to me. The water gave me goosebumps. It was of normal temperature but things inside my head started to feel something I used to feel 9 years ago. After coming out of your bathroom I got dressed and went to the place I asked Abhimanyu to meet me. Before getting out I made sure I wrote the best formal cloth I can wear, minimum makeup, and good hair. I don't know why I was putting so much effort to look as simple and as good as I can but I was still doing it.

Once I reached the cafe I pull down my sunglasses and look around the tables. In a matter of seconds, I spotted him sitting in a corner. He noticed me and waved days right hand toward me. I started feeling nervous. I was feeling the ground beneath me moving. I started to get weak between my legs. Slowly, slowly I stepped toward him and took a seat in front of him.

"Hi," he welcomed.

"Hello," I said being nervous.

"Thanks for coming"

"How are you?" I asked in a weak tone. He said nothing for a moment. Then said,

"Horrible"

"What and how do things go wrong?" I asked instantly.

"Everything just got messed up. I took the biggest decision of my life as a mistake. I married a wrong person" That was what I wanted to hear from him. I remained silent. He was trying to say something but maybe he was out of words.

"I don't want to get arrested. I did nothing to face it" he said with a weak tone of voice.

"You won't, please tell me what's going on" I replied.

"You might be on her side, will you trust my words?" He asked.

"I am on the truth's side. I have to hear your statement too. I can't just conclude by only hearing what she, your wife claimed "

"Don't call her my wife, I hate the decision I made"

"Okay, I won't. Now please tell me what's happening. Trust me, I won't say anything being biased toward her"

"I do trust you, Siya, I have doubts about the organization you work for. I have heard they favor only the women" he said and I saw his hands shaking and it was not stable, he looked afraid and nervous, and he looked away. I stopped myself hard not to try holding his hands but losing my control I finally placed my right hand on his shaking hands to calm him down.

"They are not here, I am. And I trust you, Abhimanyu. Don't be afraid. I won't let anything wrong happen to you" I said and he looked into my eyes. I started to feel more nervous, I quickly removed my hand from his and calmed myself by pinching my thighs under the table. That is what I do to distract myself from any emotions.

"Siya, I married the wrong woman. She made my life hell. She is not what I thought she will be. I am ashamed of the decision I made."

"I'm sorry to hear that Manyu. I Don't know anything. Whatever happened to you recently"

"We lost touch" he suddenly said and I nodded.

"Why?" He asked.

"We lost touch with many from our school and college. We have grown into adults, we had our dreams, our responsibilities. We kept a lot of things behind. This is what I think, your story might not be different" I replied

"Almost the same, I got involved with the bitch and forget everything around me"

"When did you marry her?"

"A year ago"

"Too early"

"You haven't married yet?"

"Who the fuck gets married at 26-27?"

"Those are in love, or they think they are in love" I looked at him. "Why didn't you married?" He asked me.

"Because I'm not in love. I have no one in my life" I lied, a kind of. Because I love someone, but I'm not in love with that person.

"Why?" He further asked.

"What a stupid question"

"You can tell me, it's not that difficult to answer," he said casually but I cannot say him that the person I love does not love me back.

"Nothing special. Just busy building my career, some wealth, and trying to provide everything to my children" I said changing the topic.

"Expected. You are too involved with your 4-legged children that you don't have time to love humans" he was wrong, I love humans, a specific human, but I do not need to marry him to love him.

"They are adorable. I cannot ignore them for anything"

"How many totals are in your house now?"

"I always forget the counting as I keep adding anytime. Whenever I find any needy. I just can't keep them in my house. Because I live in the city now, in an apartment. I can't keep dozens of animals there."

"And what about your house? In the countryside?" He shouldn't have asked me the question because the answer was not to tell everyone.