“What? Are you okay? I should have gone with you. Fuckk” he said, approaching me.
“Why shouldn't I be?” I replied leaning on his body.
“This is why you were drinking? Why didn't you call me?” He said, hugging me from behind, eventually grabbing me around. I couldn't understand why all of a sudden he was behaving like this.
“Why should I unnecessarily bother you? Don't you have work to attend? I don't want to be your pain in the ass, Gary”
“You're trying so hard”
“Trying what?”
“Pretending to be okay”
“Why should I? What's wrong with me” I asked, getting up and turning towards him.
“See, I don't know how to handle a woman in this situation, but I can understand you are not fine. And I know it's very normal not to be fine in this situation. I am with you, trust you” he said, getting closer to me again and keeping his arm around my shoulder.
“What bullshit situation?”
“Come on, I know women get broken when they get to know they are infertile or they can't have a baby. And it's perfectly fine to get drunk, I will drunk with you”
“What? You think I'm broken?” I rubbed my eyes, I was still half in my sleep, I needed to be awake to have the conversation.
“You are pretending not to be”
“Oh Gary, you have stalked me so much and you don't know I'm an anti-natalist?”
“Anti nationalist? How are these connect…”
“It is NATALIST. ANTI NATALIST”
“What's the point?”
“I was drinking to celebrate my infertility”
“What?”
“Yeah. What can be greater news than I can't conceive a baby? All my teenage I wanted to get rid of menstruation and never in my 23 year life, I wanted a baby”
“You're too drunk”
“I'm drunk but I'm definitely in my senses. I don't like kids. There was a time I used to think of adoption, but I will be fine by adopting only animals, kids can fuck off”
“Now I can't tell if you are pretending all these” he said with a change of tone of his voice.
“Because I am definitely not pretending. I am genuinely happy that I can't conceive. Now I don't have to think of unwanted pregnancies”
“You know who thinks of unwanted pregnancies?”
“Yeah, whores, teenagers and couples with no family planning… What are you calling me exactly, Gary?” I asked him, moving a little away from him.
“I'm not calling you anything, I am just surprised” I could see disappointment on his face.
“What’s the matter?”
“I am finding it difficult to digest what you are saying. What was the cake for, if not over eating out of anxiety?”
“I don't have anxiety. It was for celebrating my infertility. I wrote a big ‘CHILDFREE FOREVER’. I ate the half, you can have the rest, I will bring some for you” I got up, to walk to the kitchen when he pulled me back to sit on the bed.
“I am fine, I already had my dinner”
“Oh, so will you sleep with me now?” I asked, taking my face closer to him.
“Yeah, let's sleep. It's late. You had your dinner?”
“My stomach is full, I don't want to eat anything else”
“Okay”
He took less than 5 minutes to change into his night clothes and join me on the bed.
We stayed silent for a while, until I broke the silence between us.
“You don't look as if you're okay” I said when he laid beside me and the room still had dim lights
“Why did you never wanted a baby?”
“Because children never fascinated me. They are irritating, expensive and pregnancy complexions a woman goes through. They are so painful”
“Oh”
“Why Gary? Do you want a baby?”
“Yes, I mean not now, but someday”
“Ohh good. Now don't tell me your face is bland now because you were planning to have babies with me?”
“It's not the case”
“It shouldn't be the case. We only fuck together, we are not going to build a family”
“Yeah, I get that. I was just thinking…”
“Don't think much. There's nothing more going to be between us. Will you kick me out of your house now?”
“No, stop saying that. This is your place” he said, getting closer to me and taking me inside his sheet and hugging me around.
“I thought you were already married, or at least you have someone in your eyes to have children with, excluding me of course”
“Yeah, I was planning to get you pregnant,” he said while giggling and tickling my belly.
“Keep dreaming” I said and closed my eyes to fall asleep.
“Why did you think I was married secretly?”
“Because you are older and rich people nowadays marry young”
“Do I look that older? Like am I eligible to be called sugar daddy?”
“For fourteen years old, yes. Not for me” I giggled.
“What do I look with you?”
“My elder brother” I said hiding my face under the sheets”
“Guess we are doing stepbrother stepsister here”
We both laughed. But I could say this time he was faking it, like why would he even think of having babies with me. We didn't agree to go any further. I felt like running away if he tries to take any further step towards what our relationship already is.
“Are you asleep?” I heard him a minute later.
“No, why?”
“Why did you used to fear unwanted pregnancies? We always use protection”
“This is what every female has to think about… Wait a minute… What are you trying to say?” I said getting out of his sheets.
“I'm not saying anything else”
“Are you accusing me of infidelity? Do you think I fuck around with men?”
“Siya, you are still drunk”
“So? Why are you constantly saying this? Do you think I invite men over when you are not around? In the apartment you got me?”
“You are misunderstanding me”
By that point we both were sitting up.
“I am not able to trust you, a woman can have her will to have babies or not” I said and rushed out of the room and locked the door of the studio bedroom from inside.
I tried not to get angry, not to react. I just threw myself on the bed. The same bed that was bloody last night. I just changed everything, it's not the same anymore. I did hear some knock on the door, but there was no way I was going to open it. I slept without any disturbance.
YOU ARE READING
The One I Cannot Have
RomanceWhen you are happy and doing great in your life and suddenly one day you meet your high school crush living miserably with his wife. He asks for your help to get rid of it, and what If trying to help him change your life forever Going upside down...
