Happier

Chapter 8

Natalie

The good news: it stopped raining and proved to be the best day ever.
"Come on, chicken shit, the waters are nice!" Allison yelled out while I stood on one bare foot overlooking the lake from the small cliff I found myself on, alone. I'm pretty sure I have chewed a hole into the side of my cheek with how much jumping I don't want to be doing.
The bad news was that today's chosen activity was a day at the lake, followed by food and an ice cream sojourn in Coaticook. Rowen also promised me something I would like a lot, but he wouldn't let me in on what he thought I would like as long as I brought tennis shoes and my travel first aid kit, which he knew I brought with me. He apparently knew me well enough to know my attachment to my first aid kit.
Aww.
He said we'd have to take our car to said location when everyone left, but I was dubious if I would live out this "leap of faith" bullshit Mary kept going on about.
"Yeah, sweetie, come on in; one leap of faith, and you'll be safe in this super-deep water."
"Don't say that," Allison hissed, whipping her head in her direction.
"What? I thought she was afraid of busting her skull open. Nat! What are you scared of?" Mary yelled up at me.
"All of it, obviously." I'm bouncing with agitation as I look down at the tunnel vision spiral unfolding before me. I didn't see Rowen, though, which bothered me much more than I was willing to overthink, but my heart kicked up another notch with worry.
If I was jumping to anything, it was definitely to conclusions and the delusions I seem to have as I overthink.
"The fall isn't bad; just jump feet first. If you break something, at least it's not your neck." Steven was promptly water-tackled and pushed under by Mary, who also ducked under.
"I'm not having fun!" I lean and yell down at them.
"You will once you loosen up." Rowen's voice cuts into the static roar of my blood rushing to my head as I turn and glare at him.
"You better not."
"Better not what?" His boyish grin and a mischievous glint in his eyes caused my stomach to free-fall into the lake below while I stood there, arms folded, wondering if this was how it would all end.
The crush of my life and I plummeted to the water below, breaking our necks.
"Break both of our necks on vacation." He comes closer, and I find myself veering off to the other side a bit.
"Come on, Nat, jump with me."
"If you also tell me to take a leap of faith, I will push you off the cliff," I say drily, hugging my arms closer to my body.
"Please?" He smiles brightly, lifting his hand out to me, but all I do is look at his hand for a moment too long before I glance up at him. "I don't bite."
What a cheeky little shit.
I take a deep breath, drop my arms, and shake myself out as we share eye contact, ignoring the yells and chanting encouragement below between splashes.
"Do you trust me, Rose?"
"Yes, Jack, I fucking trust you," I grumble and watch as he steps closer to me, lifting his hand, waiting ever so patiently for me to concede.
The main problem was that I hated jumping off things; Rowen was a risk-taker.
"We can even count to three if you like." He wiggles his fingers, bringing me back to last night when I took his hand. I feel myself blushing again as I reach out and take his hand, his bouncing nervously.
He squeezes my hand, steps us to the edge, leans toward me, and whispers close to my ear.
"Just look at this like a trust fall and baby, I won't let you fall alone."
I suck in my breath softly, and I notice him looking at me with soft wonder.
"One," I breathed, gripping his hand.
"Two," He keeps eye contact with me as he bends to his knees, and I follow suit.
"Three." I squeak out.
"Don't worry; I won't let you go. Close your eyes and jump." He nods at me, and I do just that. I close my eyes, and we jump, hand in hand.
Hand in hand we fall. My stomach twists and turns, clenches and waits for impact, but once we hit the surface and sink, our hands come undone, and my panic lasts only long enough until I feel his arm around my middle, hauling me up with him.
When we come up and gasp for air, it takes me a moment to push my hair back and gain my swimming legs, but he's so close our legs brush under the water, and his arm is still around me, body close, causing my body to melt at each point of contact.
I was both okay and losing my mind.
"Are you okay?" He looks a little worried, but I can't help but smile at him, nodding my head.
"That was fun." I chuckle and he joins me.
Hearing the hoots and hollers behind us, we both turn and notice the group swimming our way.
"Thanks for trusting me." He whispered.
"Thanks for believing in me." We wade in place and he lets his arm fall away as he grins.
It's then that I realize that I'm not in danger of drowning or of the Lake Magog monster coming to snack on me, no, I was wading in dangerous waters for other reasons.

--

"What stupid shit are we doing now?" I sink to the sandy ground as I watch sheer madness in the form of three-person+- children digging a giant hole near the lapping tide.
The marrieds and Lexie were ways down the beach chatting at a picnic table, except for Steven, who was also digging this giant tripping hazard.
"We're going to bury Mike and Steve." Rowen grins up at me as he heaves up an arm full of sand and dumps it into a pile. "Wanna help?"
"Do I have to?" I shimmy my legs into the sad and watch as they continue.
"You don't have to, but we could use another set of hands." Rowen murmurs as Mike grunts heaving out a giant pile of sand.
"Hell, why not." I lean in and realize really fast that my arms are not equipped for hefting sand, dinging, or leaning because now I'm worried my boobs are about to fall out of my black one-piece. Mary and Allison talked me into bringing instead of a two-piece. As I lean in and out of the hole, trying not to accidentally bump or touch Rowen in case my entire person chooses that very moment to combust like a match striking the matchbox.
So I over-constrate on digging, grunting, and laughing at Mike's and Stevens's attempts at humor. As I came back up, I noticed that Rowen was leaning back on his sandy legs, and I couldn't help but look up at him with a wide smile.
And he just sat there, staring at me unabashedly.
I didn't know what I did to deserve the look he was giving me now, but God damnit, I didn't want him to look at me with anything less than how he was now. His wide moss-green eyes bore amber flecks that shined in the sunlight as he gazed at me. The chuckle on my lips died off as I looked up at him from my position, noticing his full lips parted softly, making me wonder what had him mesmerized or scared. I'd never seen this bewildered expression on his handsome face before, but I was enthralled by how his eyes shined in the sun, his rumpled hair curling and creating a gentle chaos within me because it tempted me to touch. If no man ever looked at me like that again, I was fine; I'd die here falling headfirst into his gaze and be happy with my last breath being shared with him.
With the world standing still as we're lost in this unhurried gaze, I come to understand something I never had before. That love was unhinged. It didn't care about your reservations or how scared and excited one look could make you. When it strikes you, it simply shuts down the worry, and you bask in the glory that was the here and now, and it allows you to get lost in the most beautiful pair of eyes you have ever seen on the most special person you have ever known.
And you fall.
Harder than you ever had before, and I want to get lost in him. I want those parted lips on mine, his sandy hands in my hair, and I want to feel him tucked close against me so bad it hurts.
But the sound of Mike's voice quickly brought me back to reality and the fact that we shared this moment with our closest friends. I wondered if anyone saw the look and how long we had just sat here staring at each other.
Did we look as unhinged as I feel?
Did I even care?
No, I guess not because my lip lifts as I turn to grab another arm full of sand, and so does Rowen after I come back up. We return to something so mundane that what we shared lingers heavily in my soul.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt happy.
Even as Mike and Steven began climbing into the hole where Rowen and I worked to push sand back over them in an attempt to bury them. It was the sun shining above us, knowing I would be slightly sun-slapped for the next few days, the laughs from the picnic table, and the deep laugh of the man right next to me.
I was so incredibly, incandescently, happy.