Supernova

Chapter Fifteen | Shattered wine bottles

Sterling

I turn around and I can see he's upset but I don't care.

"Yes, Xavier. It does. It makes me feel great about myself. I basically get off from it."

He rolls his eyes and scoffs at me. "Who's Grayson?"

"I don't really think that's your business, Xavier," I reply, taking a sip of wine.

"Not my business? Really? That's all you're going to say to me?"

"Yes, Xavier, because frankly, you're pissing me off right now and I would like to be alone," I mutter.

"I don't understand why you're mad at me. I should be the one who's mad at you!"

"Excuse me?" I ask him, appalled at his statement.

He thinks because I don't tell him I love him or confess my feelings for him every twenty minutes that he suddenly has the authority to be pissed off at me? That he can come into my apartment yelling at me about how I feel and whether or not I chose to express it? And asking me who Grayson is and whatever the hell else he has to say? Is that what he fucking thinks right now? Because my god I'll rip this dick head a new one.

"Come on, Sterling. I understand being patient with you but this is getting insane to me at this point. I told you I loved you. I've been giving you time. Now you come into Patty's talking about some guy you loved when you were 17? A guy I never even heard an inkling of until now," He goes on a tangent.

"Grayson is a part of my past, Xavier. Getting mad at me about him is not your place. Nothing ever happened between me and him. I have never told him I loved him and he never told me. Sure, you could say the love was there but we never addressed it," I explain. "I haven't seen him in 8 years. I hardly expected him to even be alive anymore, let alone waltz into the emergency room today with a broken wrist."

"Oh, I'm sorry that hearing about your almost decade long reunion makes me wanna jab pencils into my ears so I don't hear that bullshit," he mumbles but he knows I can hear him.

I take another swig out of the wine bottle. "I don't know why this is so serious. I don't even know what you're mad about right now. Is it me or is it Grayson?"

"I can't even be mad about Grayson right now with the way you're acting. I don't know what you're mad about right now, Whitlock," he retorts. "Not in any sense of the word."

"I'm mad because you're expecting me to just tell you something I have never told a man in my life ever like it's no big deal. I'm mad because you're obviously annoyed it's taking too long. I'm mad because you're trying to rush me and tell me when and how to feel. I'm mad because you think you're instantly entitled to know every aspect of my life just because I trust you a little more than the average person. I'm mad because you're over here resenting Grayson because I just so happened to see him after almost a decade. I'm mad as hell at you Xavier."

He's just staring at me. At first I think he's going to acknowledge anything I had just said. A sane person would do that. He would acknowledge what I just said and understand where I'm coming from and back down. Even if I just yelled at him, he would understand me and where I'm coming from. Let me figure out what it is that's going on with me because this is so new and scary for me.

Except he doesn't do that.

"Why did you run away from your foster home? The one with Hope when you were 17. Why did you leave?" he asks me.

Another drink.

I roll my eyes. "I've told you this already, Xavier."

"Tell me again."

"I was young and selfish and wouldn't let Hope care for and love me and couldn't understand it so I left," I reiterate.

He slowly shakes his head. "I heard that version. I don't give a shit about that. Why did you leave, Sterling?"

If he wants to play this game, fine. I will.

"I ran away because Grayson left," I say short and plain and finish off the bottle. And it's the truth.

He nods slowly. "So you love him, right? Years later, all those feelings start rushing back. You played catch up. You saw everything in him you used to see in him. He smiled at you, right? Told you you're beautiful. He should. You are. I bet he gave you his number too so you guys could meet sometime, yeah? I bet he fucking did, Sterling. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here waiting for you to tell me how you feel. To tell me what you want from me and us and why I'm sitting here pining for you if you don't even want me."

"You came up with all of that on your own?" I jab at him. "I would have to say I'm impressed, Mr. Gonzales. All that Mr. Nice Guy act has finally dissipated. I was getting sick of it, you know."

"Well?" he asks, coming closer to me. "Am I wrong?"

I shake my head and take one final drink of the bottle. "Nope."

I look up and see he's now standing in front of me, his expression hard and his face twisted up in anger. He's breathing heavily and I am too. We just stare at each other.

He lifts his hand up and digs in into my hair, pulling me closer by the back of my neck. I yelp out of shock and look at him, my eyes wide. He dips his head down, just above my lips. He doesn't move closer anymore and I can feel my skin is practically on fire.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you Sterling. But I'm not going to wait around and let you walk all over me to figure it out," he practically hisses.

I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I don't let them fall. "Get out."

His eyes go wide and sympathy wipes over his face. "Sterling-"

"I said get out of my apartment, Xavier!" I snap at him.

I watch his jaw clench and the anger that was gone momentarily returns again. He backs away slowly, holding up his hands in defense. "Whatever the hell you want, princess."

He leaves my apartment and slams the door as he does so. As soon as he does, I throw the empty wine bottle at the door and watch it shatter into a million tiny pieces.

Then I do the same.

—

When I was four, my mom took me shopping for a dress because my cousin was getting married in a couple weeks. She told me I needed to look really pretty and get a big fancy dress and show everyone how grown up I was. It was a Saturday in September and I remember it being really nice out

"What about this one Sterling?" my mother asked me and held up a pale blue dress with flowers decorating a satin belt.

I stared at her, scrunching my nose up and shook my head. This had now been the fifth dress she tried to get me to agree to and nothing was catching my little eye. She sighed and put it back on the rack before walking back over to me and crouching down.
"Honey, you need to pick out a dress," she told me sincerely and I groaned. I hated shopping. I still do. My mom loved it though. Fashion was something she always wanted as a career, but my dad had made her a stay at home mom by the age of 24 instead.

"I want that one," I say, pointing to a big sparkly red dress that touched the floor. It was paired with bright red sparkly shoes and a red headband.

"I don't know how appropriate that is for a wedding sweetie. Maybe Christmas?" She had suggested and I glared at her. "Okay, we'll try it on and see."

I ended up getting that dress as well as a mountain of compliments from a lot of the guests. The point is, people aren't always bad. They don't start out that way. Not everyone is blunt straight from the jump. Not everyone is open to emotions or possibility.

So part of me has an understanding that Xavier is angry and upset because I don't convey emotions like he does. But at the same time, I'm equally as upset as him because he doesn't understand.