Supernova

Chapter 9 | You gave him a reason to live

Sterling

"This is why I told you to get help," Patty says, shaking her head and sliding me a mug of cocoa. "I thought you talked to that doctor almost a month ago."

I did not talk to that doctor a month ago. I actually never had any intention of doing so. However, Pat doesn't know that. I take a sip. "I forgot. Xavier helped me, I was fine."

She purses her lips. "Not everyone can be saving you all the time, Star. It's about damn time you save yourself. He doesn't even know the whole story."

In a way, she's right. I need to see someone. For my own sake. I always have someone else save me. I just have no idea what's keeping me from going. Maybe I do know and just don't want to admit it. I also don't want to tell Xavier the whole story. I know he'll see me differently and think that I'm even more broken than he already sees me.

"You want to know what else I think?"

Why do I feel like this is about my nonexistent love life? "What?"

She smiles as she dries the last dish. "I think you have a soft spot for Mr. Gonzales down there."

I widen my eyes before I laugh at her. "Yeah, okay. I do not have feelings for-"

"Hush," she orders. Her fingers are pinching the air as if she was pinching my lips in order to get me to shut up. "I never said nothing about no feelings, Star. That was what you heard. I said you have a soft sport for him. You're getting comfortable with someone. First time in years."

I shrug and fold my arms on the counter. "I don't know, maybe. I'm comfortable with you"

Scoffing, she makes her way over to where I'm sitting and plops down next to me. "You do. You know it too. Your nonchalant attitude isn't going to fool me, miss. It's okay to let people in. I also don't count missy. You could always tell him the truth. Not whatever half-assed story you gave him."

"Can we change the topic?" I ask.

So what if I hang out with him a little? It doesn't mean anything. We're friends, like I said. He doesn't make me want to vomit or pull my hair out. I don't see anything wrong with that. Then again, Patty never said there was anything wrong with that. She just felt the need to point it out for no good reason.

I'm more shocked that Xavier held me and just let me cry. If I were him and I saw someone in that state, I would never speak to them again. I mean, it's not like that makes someone the most appealing to hang out with. Xavier is just...a good person. He really is. I knew he wouldn't leave me high and dry when I was like that. I knew he'd sit there and stay with me and console me as long as I wanted and as long as he could.

That's why it didn't shock me when he offered his spare key to me. He said it was because of my impatience of him opening his door, but I have a feeling it's for when I wake up at night. I can't say I'll ever use it for that, but the thought is appreciated.

I also feel the guilt of not telling him racking up daily. Yes, I was in the foster care system for a long period of time and everything about Hope's and being bounced from home to home is true. It's just how I ended up there isn't the right story. He doesn't know what really happened to me as a kid. I wanted to tell him, but I don't know how you explain that to someone.

"No," Patty says, dragging me from my thoughts. "Go to that boy's house and leave me be. I have Jeopardy! to watch and I have to finish knitting this scarf for you."

"Fine," I huff.

"Love you!" She calls and I walk out the door.

"Love you too," I call back and begin walking down the hall.