The Best For You (Jake Webber X Johnnie Guilbert)

A/N - vent

Yeah, then i cried and went to my room.

Example 2. Melanie Martinez trilogy tour. (This happened yesterday)

Okay so, i have been a big fan of Mel for like 6 years, and i went to the portals tour (it was AWESOME), but i really wanted to experience the k-12 and crybaby era (since i was too young to go)

So, when she came out with europe tickets, i really wanted to fucking go.

But of course, my younger brother had competitions in Malta. And that was important.

So, i couldn't go. Because we would go to Malta with my whole family, and me going to see melanie (which is my only chance in a lifetime), would be selfish (again).

So, okay i was sad, but atleast i could go to the vacation, right?

Nope, haha fuckers.

Yesterday, i found out, that my dad fucking missed the times for buying the plane tickets (like yk it has a good specific time, when the tickets are really cheap? Yeah. He missed that time.)

So, no. We're not going to Malta. And i missed a ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANCE, only for my dad to forget. Anyway, things move to another and we were screaming again. About how "money doesn't grow on trees, and we just can't afford those things" (the melanie trip would've been abt 800€)
But, if we had enough money for the trip, why not the concert, that was 3 times cheaper?

And no, we're not poor. We're actually really good off, and i'm really fucking grateful for that. But like, they didn't understand my point. My point was that i missed something so important for another thing, that we wouldn't even do, so i missed both things. And that made me sad. So we were fucking screaming. Yelling. Yeah, it was bad.

I'm not gonna talk about it alot, since non big happened (exept my dad constantly calling me selfish and other things like that).

But anyway, it was like 8pm and i went to the shops (i love myself some sweets).

When i came back, it was quiet. So my mom tried to make a convo, but my dad nowdays is so tired that he's on his phone most of the time, watching some stupid russian facebook reels.

So, i asked my dad to put his phone down so we could talk. He did so, and since i'm a little sick and felt like shit (i still needed my candy) i didn't have the energy to really talk, i just wanted my parents to communicate.

So, somehow, anxiety came up. I have an anxiety disorder, so yeah. (Diagnosed)

Anyway, they were talking to me how screamo and metal music increases anxiety (do i look like i fucking care? It's music)

And then i told them that "did you know, i googeled that screaming increases anxiety" WITH THE POINT OF HOW THEY SCREAM AT ME AND THAT GIVES ME ANXIETY.

but no. My dad didn't understand. He thought i was talking abt music, so he started yapping abt how he's right

And when i fucking tell you, i said ONE FUCKING SENTENCE, THAT WAS "i didn't meant that-" HE STARTED YELLING AT ME. FOR NOTHING.

AND HE DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND
MY POINT.

But no, he had to be right. So, he had to be right.

Guess what? There was screaming, and i was fucking sobbing abt how i didn't even mean to start an argument.

He wouldn't listen (surprise, surprise).

Then i stood up and i said "No, fuck it." But, it's not that easy. He started screaming at me to come and sit back down, and truth be told, i'm scared of him. So i went and sat back down.

I kinda toned out what he was saying? Until a sentence taht he said.

"You always blame others, you're lazy, you're selfish.."

And that fucking hurt.

Because i atleast believe that i'm not lazy. I try so fucking hard to go to school everyday, to eat, i dance. Which is fucking tough, believe it oe not. I have dance competitions every month, which take a lot of addition dance classes. To that, i also sing, hang out with friends (the coulple that i have), so no. I don't think i'm lazy.

And that fucking hurt me.

Ofcourse i heard thw other things also, but that just stuck to me, yk?

So when i told him (even to my own ears i sounded broken btw) "you think i'm lazy?"

He didn't apologize.

He didn't say no.

He said "THAT WAS THE ONLY THING YOU HEARD? REALLY? OH MY FUCKING GOD"

fun.

So then i cried and cried until i was screaming at him : "why are you liek this? What did i do to deserve this? What did i fucking do?" And he sent me to my room.

In my room, i was having a panic attack, when my mom came and comforted me. (I love her so fucking much)

Once i calmed down, my mom went to the other room, and i heard my dad screaming at her.

How the fuck can i not think, that that's not my fault?

Since he took my phone and tv remote, i cried myslef to sleep. Even though i almost took up the blade, i didn't (which i'm proud of).

So, i woke up at 3.30 am from a nightmare, of my dance coach telling me i'm annoying and some random men kept shooting me with guns to my heart and i could do nothing (stupid ik)

I sneaked into thw other room and took the TV remote.

(Oh god y'all, Gilded Lily started playing. I'm gonna get ready for crying.)

Anyway, right now it's 07.31am, and i've been writing rhis for abt 50 minutes.

Thank you gor listening, and sorry if this is annoying. A new chapter will be out in a couple of days.