Envy in the Ashes // carl grimes

Reverse Psychology

       It's the kind of feeling you get when you go through your partners phone, and find that thing you dreaded seeing. That nauseating pit in your gut once the realization hits, that your nightmare has become a reality. It's annoying, and strange, because I've only just met Carl, and for some reason I feel like I should be attached at his hip. There's something about him that makes me feel safe, like I can finally live, and not just survive.

"Well...take your feelings out on Enid, not everyone else" I mumble defiantly and look away from him, refusing to let him see my frustration.

"Char, I-" Carl begins pleading, but I cut him off quickly.

"You know, I'm pretty tired, I think I better sleep. I'll see you tomorrow before you leave" I speak blankly, and slide my legs underneath the blanket to lay down facing away from him.

After a few moments of staring at the wall, I feel the mattress puff back up next to me as Carl's weight is lifted off of it, and without a word, he walks out of the room and shuts the door behind him. I slowly exhale a sigh of relief and feel tears well up in my eyes. The world ended, and I'm breaking down over a guy I just met.

The next morning

I didn't get much sleep last night. I woke up what felt like every hour, tossing and turning, trying to convince my brain to forget about my altercation with Carl, but it wouldn't budge. So here I am, laying awake at 6:30 in the morning replaying his words over and over again. "I think so..."

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in!" I announce as I sit up in bed awaiting my visitor.

The door opens and Michonne walks in, holding a neatly folded pile of clothing.

"Good morning" she says softly with a smile, like a mother who's just came in to provide breakfast in bed on your birthday.

"Good morning" I reply, returning the same smile. She walks over to the bed and sets the pile of clothes down at the foot of the bed.

"I brought you some clothes, there's a few different outfits here, nothing fancy I just figured you'd want to wear different clothes throughout the week" she explains

"Are those skinny jeans I see?" I ask excitedly examining the pile before looking up at her with widened eyes. She laughs softly and nods her head, pulling the jeans out of the pile and handing them to me.

"I figured we're probably around the same size, nothing wrong with a little confidence boost even if it's the end of the world" she says with a wink, making me giggle. She was right, because even though the world ended, it feels nice to have a little glimpse of the girl I was. The version of myself that I loved, even if it's just by wearing a pair of skinny jeans.

"Thank you...thank you so much." I whisper as I hold onto the jeans, staring at them in girlish awe. After a moment, I set them down on the bed next to me and I stand up, and wrap my arms around Michonne. She gasps softly, caught off guard at first, but then she returns the embrace and wraps her arms back around me tightly.

"Don't make me cry now." she whispers as she pulls away from the hug and giggles softly. "Why don't you get dressed and meet me downstairs. You should meet some of the others before they go off on the supply run"

"Okay.." I simply agree with her as she squeezes my hand reassuringly, and then leaves the room.

Once the door is shut, I immediately strip off the clothes that I've been wearing since I got here, and throw them in my hamper. I grab the pair of jeans off the bed, slide them up my legs, and button them, noticing that they're just a bit  loose on my hips, but not so much to where they will slide off me. I proceed to get dressed, throwing on a gray t-shirt, and then I notice Sam's hoodie, folded up on my dresser. I refuse to wash it, because I know once I do, it'll stop smelling like him. I walk over and grab it off the dresser, unfold it gently and hold it up to my nose, inhaling deeply. This smell is the only reminder I have of him anymore. I've started to forget the sound of his voice, the feeling of his arms around me, all the little details that I knew like the back of my hand, have been lost within the misfortune of the virus.