Envy in the Ashes // carl grimes

You

*two weeks have passed*

To say that I took Maggie's advice a little too far is an understatement. I went to hangout with Ron that day Carl left, and I got to know him more than I could've expected. I had gotten a bad first impression due to his and Carl's standoffish behavior, but over the last two weeks, him and I have been really close. Whatever is going on between Carl and I, is more tense than it's ever been. He won't speak to me when Ron is around, just the occasional acidic glance. When we're alone, he speaks to me, but not in the way he used to speak to me. He's distant now, and cold, and pretends like we've just met. His walls are higher than ever before and I'm not sure I can get over these ones.

"What are you thinking about?" Ron asks me, and I realize I've been staring at the ceiling not speaking, laying on his bed.

"Nothin, just...thinkin' about maybe going on the supply run today..." I mumble casually, not telling the truth, but not entirely lying. I did want to go on a run, get outside of the walls and freshen up my survival skills.

"What? Are you crazy? Why would you wanna go out there when we're perfectly safe inside the walls?" he asks a frantic series of questions as he sits straight up and looks down at my, his eyebrows furrowed.

I sat up as well and adjusted myself, leaning back against the headboard.

"Ron, that's just it...we have no idea how long these walls are safe for. Nothing in this world is promised anymore, and besides, Rick has been training me to defend myself. I can't sit here and pretend like everything is normal when others are risking their lives going out there to make sure this place stays safe..." I preach to him confidently, looking at him once I finished and meeting his concerned face.

"I don't want you to get hurt...or worse..." he whispers his last two words.

"Look at me" I whisper back as I reach over and place my hand gently on the side of his face. "I will be fine, if I run into any trouble, I have the others to protect me...they've been fighting walkers since the beginning. I need to do this... I don't want to get too comfortable, and forget what the world is really like...I wanna be prepared for anything.."

Ron stares at me in disbelief, as if what I just explained is the most absurd thing he's ever heard, and unfortunately it probably is. He's never had to worry about his safety, whether or not he was gonna eat that night, or which of the people he loves is gonna be torn apart next. The idea of having to survive is completely illusory to him. I want to roll my eyes at his unawareness but it's not his fault, truly. Instead, I lean in with my hand still on the side of his face, and press my lips against his softly. We've kissed a few times since the night we hung out, but I'm still not sure what we are. Can you even put a label on relationships in the apocalypse? It seems like a sadistic joke.

"I trust you...I don't like the idea of you out there, but, I trust you.." he whispers, our faces still close as we pull away from the kiss. I rest my forehead against his and smile.

"Thank you...do you want to come with me? To see me off." I say the last line sarcastically, like I was being shipped off to war. He chuckles softly and rolls his eyes playfully.

"Shut up, I'll walk you to the gates" he teases me and gets up off the bed to put his shoes on.
I giggle quietly and get up as well.

We both slip our shoes on, and I slip my knife into my belt, and put my jacket on. I've decided to keep Sam's hoodie in my bedroom, because wearing it just makes me sad now, and I know he would want me to heal from losing him.

"Ready?" Ron asks as he opens up his bedroom door and looks back at me. I quickly throw my wispy hair up in a ponytail and nod my head, walking out the door with him.