The Drummer & The Assistant

17. The Past

Freddie

"Come here" my arm extends out to Daisy. I feel the need to hold her. Just for a minute. The rage I felt from seeing her ex in her apartment is still simmering in my body. The fear that he had done something to hurt Daisy is still fresh in my veins. I could have killed him for looking at her the wrong way. And then all I wanted was her, I wanted to lose myself within her. Wanting to know she was telling me the truth about him.

Several minutes pass and I'm surprised at how content I am. Just lying with Daisy. So content I could fall asleep and I hate sharing a bed with someone. I need my space.

"Freddie?" Daisy mumbles without looking at me.

I'm so comfortable and relaxed all I can do is grunt, my eyes closing.

"What did you mean?"

"What?" I freeze, opening my eyes. My words from earlier come barrelling back to me.

"You asked me to stay...."

Fuck. Why did I say that?

"I didn't mean..... I didn't mean like that, Daisy. Nothing has changed" I rush out. I don't want to sound harsh but I also don't want to leave any room for her to ask more questions. It obviously doesn't work when she continues.

"Have you ever been in a serious relationship?"

She really wants to know this? I don't see how it's relevant.

"I don't want to talk about this" I sigh, trying to shut this down. I'll happily talk about anything but this.

"Have you ever been in love?" She persists.

"Daisy" I try to keep my voice strong but I feel the panic rising inside of me. I don't want to talk about this. Not with her.

"You've been lied to...." Her blue eyes are piercing through me and I feel like she can see it all anyways. See my soul. My life. My mistakes. My faults.

"You've been hurt" she adds.

She knows.

The thought sends me hurtling up to my feet and my mouth starts moving, spilling words out.

"Yes, I've been in a serious relationship. Yes, I've been in love. Is that what you want to hear?" I stare at her.

"What happened?" Daisy sits up, looking at me with curiosity.

She is not going to drop this. I might as well get it done with. Then she'll pity me and I can't stand pity. I couldn't stand it then and I certainly don't want it now but at least then I can leave.

"Her name was Carly" I stay on my feet, "We met in high school. I loved her the second I saw her"

Daisy's eyes cast down and I can't help but think I see disappointment flash across her features.

Good.

If this story hurts her then she'll see why I'm not boyfriend material.

"She was everything to me" Daisy looks back to me and I continue but I say more than I intend, more than anyone knows, "I asked her to marry me"