A Good Girls Guide to Guilt

We meet again

Ravi

I was lying on my bed, doing what I usually do; think about Pip. I still think about the day she left me: sobbing, wrenching, screaming my heart out in anguish on the forest floor, tears burning my eyes as I watched her walk away from me. I don't think I left my room for weeks after that, I resented her for it for so long, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop caring about her, but the way I acted... it was like she died, I mourned her.

It took a long time, a lot of depression, a lot of hurt and a lot of grief; but I finally realised she did what she did because she cared for me, as much as it hurt me— still hurts me, I've come to peace with why she did it, at long last.

Max was sent to jail only a few days ago, I was waiting two hours early for the results and even though she wasn't there with me; I knew Pip was waiting too. I could almost feel her relief stronger than my own when the verdict was read, I know I probably should've waited a little longer to get in contact with her but, 3 minutes was all the restraint I had.

And when Pip replied it was like a part of me that was missing came back, I'd lost myself in those months we'd been apart, not knowing when or if we'd ever speak again, the happiness and security I felt whenever I was around her came back to me only a fraction, but it felt magical.

I didn't know if I should reply to Pips message— never mind that's a lie. Ofcourse I wanted to reply to it, but I didn't know what to say, it felt wrong, with all this time apart I didn't want to speak to her over a screen, I wanted to see the words leave her in front of my eyes, I wanted to see her smile at my words, I wanted to admire her like I would if she were a celebrity.

So anyway, when I was lying on my bed thinking about Pip, it was like a gift from God (that I most definitely don't deserve) when her message appeared on my screen, and like I mentioned before, I've never been one for restraint so when I tell you I pounced onto that message, I did.

I'd be lying if I said I knew exactly what to say, I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I never used to be like this with Pip, i'd just be myself and say whatever I wanted and it would make her laugh, I loved that; making her laugh. I guess this time apart will take some mending but i'll spend as long as it takes to have Pip back in my life again, you have no idea.

I didn't want to put any pressure on Pip, ofcourse! but I'd rather but pressure on her than not see her, I physically could not wait any longer to see her, I mean it's been two years, can you blame me? I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms again and make her feel safe, call me cheesy but; she's the love of my life. I don't care how young I am! I'd choose Pip any day, over anyone.

So I told her I was on my way, no beating around the bush here; I wanted to see her, and i'm not gonna let her back out, I know what she's like when she gets nervous. I get dressed into my favourite blue jeans and army green t-shirt; it was her favourite of my shirts. My cheeks heat up at the thought, my cheeks heat up at every thought about Pip, god that's embarrassing..

I can't wait to see Pip, and i'd love to say I want to go back to normal with Pip, but our normal didn't go so well last time.. so we'll see what happens.

Next thing I know i'm back where I never thought I'd be, the day i've dreamed about for what seems like every day since the incident. I'm at Pips door, and my finger on the doorbell,  just like the good old days; I smile to myself as the door inches open.
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Thanks for reading! wasn't too happy with this chapter ngl but lmk what you thought :D

Word count: 750