A Good Girls Guide to Guilt

Flashbacks

I don't think I can count how many times I've rechecked that message from Ravi in the 40 minute train ride, I feel remotely similar to a goldfish, somehow forgetting something I checked less than 5 minutes ago.

I sigh and put my phone back inside my pocket, has Ravi read the message and decided not to reply? Has he changed his mind about messaging me? Should I even be here?

"Little Kilton!" I hear the conductor yell from the front, not even moments later there's a scattering of passengers on and off the train. Guess it's too late now. I think to myself and force myself through the thick gathering of people, almost strangling myself in the process.

I release a breath once I finally find my way out of the crowd and follow the familiar path to my house. I look around, feeling nostalgic; like a part of me I lost is coming back at long last.

I pass by the tree I broke my leg climbing on when I was seven, I stroll lightly over the pavement; the pavement that once said "Dead girl walking" and I pass Becca Bell's house where she drugged me.
I suppress a shudder at the memories I have here, good and bad.

I turn the corner onto my street and walk up my drive, my eyes glance at the driveway and all at once I'm back; back to the reason I'm anxious and my palms are sweaty from entering what should be my home. I see the pigeon like it's a hologram, sat there haunting me, reminding me of where it lead me and what I've done.

I blink, the bird isn't there.

I shake my head and adjust my eyes to the empty driveway; My knees go wobbly and I feel bile inching it's way up my throat at the flashback, the fear felt so real, too real. I don't want to feel that again; that fear that consumed my every though and movement, causing me to go against everything I fought for.

Jason's cold body fills my vision and dread covers me whole, that bone rattling horror sends me into a cold sweat. I killed a man. I should be in jail. My body shivers as I push away the thoughts, I don't get them often but... being here is taking its toll and I can't help the guilt that feeds away on me like a rotting corpse. He deserved it. I remind myself as I knock my fist on the door, trying desperately not to glance at the ground beside me.

I force a smile as I hear footsteps trudging down the stairs, It's fine Pip, It's not real, you got away with it, I tell myself as the door handle gets pushed down, the sound distinctly familiar to a gunshot.
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Thanks for reading! Im not sure if these chapters are too short, but lmk if you're enjoying!

Word count: 493