𝐍É𝐍𝐔𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐑. Alec V.

ONE

🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˖

I COULD NEVER QUITE GRASP why we chose to end things the way we did. I genuinely believed that a simple conversation, where he told me he was done, would have been enough for me to forgive him.

I mean, I am a Christian, a bold one in fact.

One who did not shy away from her faith in her Lord. One who could forgive things because her Lord commands it.

Forgiveness, after all, is not just a virtue but a healing balm for the soul. It liberates the forgiver from the chains of resentment and bitterness, allowing them to move forward with grace and peace. And as a bold Christian, I embraced this principle wholeheartedly, knowing that it not only honored my beliefs but also nurtured my own well-being.

Yet, with the way he left me, it made forgiveness all the more challenging. He could have chosen a gentler approach, for I am not one who appreciates blunt and sharp responses.I do not harbor love for anger and frustration; only fools allow their anger to wield words like weapons. And in this regard, he proved himself a fool.

He let his anger dictate his words, spewing forth hurtful phrases without consideration for their impact. Usually, I wouldn't let such words affect me, but his did.

His once-beautiful mouth, which used to utter words of love, now dripped with annoyance and disgust whenever directed at me.

Words are spirits; they can fill one's heart with love when spoken in joy and peace, but they can just as swiftly wound another's spirit when wielded with anger and hatred.

His words lingered like stubborn shadows, refusing to dissipate despite my fervent prayers to my loving God. Each day, I pleaded for relief from the torment they inflicted upon my heart, yet the wounds remained raw and tender. It was a struggle to reconcile the hurt with the forgiveness I sought, a battle between the pain of betrayal and the grace of divine mercy.

The transformation of his words cut deeper than any blade. What was once "I always have time for you" morphed into "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Your beauty shines so brightly" dwindled into "I do not want to look at you."

And the solemn vow of "I am yours and you are mine. My chosen mate." shattered into fragments with the cruel declaration, "I am not yours anymore. I am hers."

The revelation that I was not his blood singer shattered the illusion of being his true beloved. Instead, I learned that there was merely something about me that allured him, leaving me to grapple with the realization that I was not his chosen one in the way I had once believed.

When I finally comprehended what that "something" was, it shattered me. It was the light bestowed upon me by my Lord—the innocence and naivety that led me to my current state, the joy and peace I brought with me everywhere I went.

Every one of our friends likened me to a waterlily, a symbol of purity and new beginnings. In my human state, I exuded the innocence of someone deeply enamored with the dark and mysterious vampire that everyone feared.

I was the light to his dark.

Yet, he used me to gain the light I held so dearly, only to extinguish it in the end. When he noticed its absence, he began to distance himself from me, as if I were nothing. Despite my instincts urging me to ignore it and continue on with him, I found myself unable to shake off the sinking feeling of abandonment.

Until one day, she came rushing in to save a friend.

A light that shined brighter than me. The light he had been searching for all along. His true mate, with her blue pale eyes and blonde curly hair, her petite stature. It seemed as though God had taken His time when creating her.

And in that fleeting moment when his gaze fell upon her, he was swept away from me with a swiftness that left me breathless. It was as if the universe itself conspired to draw him to her, erasing any trace of our connection in an instant.

As they locked eyes, I watched helplessly as he gravitated toward her, his steps guided by an invisible force stronger than any bond we shared. It was a cruel twist of fate, a painful reminder of my own inadequacy in comparison to her radiant presence.

I asked the Lord why it had to be this way, why I must endure such suffering. But unlike the other times, He remained silent, offering no solace or explanation for the anguish weighing heavy on my heart. It was a moment of profound loneliness, where even the comfort of faith seemed to elude me, leaving me adrift in a sea of unanswered questions and unspoken sorrows.

A storm brewed inside of me, its turbulent waves threatening to drown me as I waited for the Lord to save me, as He had done for Peter. But there was only silence, no divine hand reaching out to pull me from the tempest that raged within.

And deep down, I knew why.

I had become a chilling, blood-thirsty beast, consumed by the darkness that had once captivated me.

" Lord, please. Have mercy on me. I'm sorry."

🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:･˖

note; oof rough start am i right? lol