And Through All of Your Attempts, We Still Love You

Daemonophobia

You were being clingy. Deliciously so. So much so that Sun and Moon keep asking themselves why they didn't do this sooner. Since your isolation, the boys have made sure to stay near and dear as much as possible and, you being the starved person you are, relished in the closeness.

There's a small niggling feeling buried deep down inside you that you know this is what they wanted, involuntarily happening due to them getting interrupted and so busy that week, but you also can't find it in yourself to care too much.

You want the warmth Sunny's hugs give you. You crave the feather light tickling touches Moon's chilly hands give you. The pleasureful way you shiver at their touches give you goosebumps for all the right reasons.

You no longer flinch or recoil at their touchy-feely fingers, you're not so disagreeable to their wandering nuzzles as they get close to your neck. The way they nibble or kiss at your earlobes, cheeks, neck, and collarbone isn't so bad anymore.

The voice in your head continues to bother you, though.

Worthless. Giving in to such disgusting acts.

You need to escape!

Finish what you started!

When those occurred, you'd shrivel up at the attention, not so much as eager as you were before. These days, your thoughts are so jumbled, you don't know what to make of them. Sun and Moon, always so attentive to your moods and signs now, are always sure to distract you.

They pull out the TV and you and Moon would watch movies for as long as you can stay awake. Sun would teach you how to draw methodically. You were grateful for the distractions; you never get any reprieve from your mind, it always takes over and you're left victim to what it tells you.

There is a door. Right. There. Use it! What are you waiting for! You're not even tied down!

You sigh for the tenth time since Sun had left you alone, untied, unbound for the first time in a week. Sure they left your hands undone, but the ankle ribbon was placed there for precautionary measures during daycare hours.

Which you understood. 

Your brain, subconscious or whatever it is in your head, keeps yelling at you to go. Realistically, you know you could get the door open and descend those stairs at any point. Sun isn't here, he went to grab snacks, but also realistically, you know you wouldn't make it very far. Not without a pass, not without making noise, and certainly not without getting caught.

Where would that leave you? Tied back up on the bed. Left alone for an indeterminate amount of time and whatever else they see fit for punishment.

Is this healthy? No, of course not. You know this, you'd be stupid not to. But there is such thing as a survival instinct and with that, you've come to a realization, that you don't want to survive, you want to live. 

Since you've been here, you've only been surviving. Surviving off the thought that you'd get out of here and then...what? Take your own life? Some days, you still get those thoughts where you'd be better off doing just that, but while here, albeit confined, you've been clothed, warm, fed, and loved more than you've ever been before.

No one cared about what happened to you before or after your attempt. But Sun and Moon did.  They've given you the utmost care and love you never thought you'd receive in your life.

So if you're just a little bit grateful for them stepping in when no one else did, who are you to judge?

You're just a weak-willed little human that was easy enough to break. You're their prize. To control how they please.