Hold On To Me (Marina)

23.I Don't Belong Here

23.

Now it's hard when you're always searching
For the life that you left behind
[...]
'Cause I don't belong here
(I Prevail-I Don't Belong Here)

When Maya woke up, Carina was still asleep. The firefighter kissed her hair and sweetly caressed her cheek, careful not to wake her. She got up and headed to the bathroom. She got dressed and, ready to go for a run, she went to the living room. Surprisingly, she found Keira already up, sitting on the couch, all wrapped up in a blanket. The girl looked exhausted and it was clear she hadn't slept at all that night.

"Morning." she mumbled, hiding herself under the blanket.

"Good morning" Maya greeted the teen, a smile on her face. "What are you doing here? It's really early.". Keira bowed her head and shrugged, saying nothing. Maya bit her lip and stepped forward to her. She crouched in front of her and, without touching her, she forced her to raise her gaze.

"Look at me." she whispered. "You know, you can tell me.". Keira looked away and shook her head. No, she couldn't. She started feeling her head spinning and her breath itching, sign that she was about to have a panic attack. And after the evening before she didn't want to look so vulnerable again.

"Sweetie, I need you to breathe." Maya tried to calm her down. "Okay, focus on me. On me, eyes on me."

"Please, don't... I can't..."

"Shh, it's okay, you're safe." the woman whispered to her, sweetly. "It's me, it's Maya. You're safe here, it's a promise.". Little by little, the girl's breath went back to normal. Maya helped her lay down on the couch and covered her with the blanket.

"Try to sleep a bit, sweetie". Keira shook her head in no. She looked terrified and Maya thought she was probably scared of having a nightmare. She caressed her harm, with gentleness. The girl didn't flinch, too exhausted to even do that.

"I'll be here when you wake up." she promised. "I will be here for all the time you need."

________________

"Buongiorno." Carina greeted her wife, who gestured her to lower her voice since Keira was sleeping. "Why his she here?"

"I have no idea. I was about to leave to go for a run and I found her on the couch. I asked her what was going, but she had a sort of panic attack, I don't know."

"Give her time. After yesterday she must feel terribly vulnerable." Carina observed. "Well, I'm going to prepare breakfast. Are you up for some french toasts or do you prefer something else?"

"French toasts are more than okay, thank you.". Carina started to cook, while Maya loyally kept guarding Keira. The girl started shifting in her sleep, until her eyes snapped open and she sat up, her gaze full of terror. Maya was about to reassure her, but Keira stopped her. She took a deep breath, forcing herself not to have another episode and embarrass herself even further.

"I'm fine.". It was a lie and Maya knew it, but she decided not to insist. "What are you cooking?"

"French toasts, bambina. Do you want some?" Carina offered. Keira rubbed her eyes and shrugged. Truth was that she would have easily skipped breakfast if she could.

"I'm not hungry." she said.

"That's okay. I can give you some milk or juice and I'm sure there are some cookies here somewhere."

"But I said that I'm not hungry." the girl complained.

"I know, but you have to eat a little in order to take your medicines." Carina explained.