Hold On To Me (Marina)

9.Where Are You Now?

9.

But where are you now?
Where are you now?
Do you ever think of me
In the quiet, in the crowd?
(Mumford & Sons-Where Are You Now?)

Maya had been running on the treadmill for more than one hour now. She wanted to stop thinking. She needed to stop thinking. She was so mad, mad at Beckett because he hadn't allowed her to attend Raphael's funeral, mad at herself because she hadn't been able to save that boy, mad at God because of all the pain she had been forced to witness in her life. She was so tired of all that.

"Maya." Andy called her, but the blonde ignored her. She kept training, too scared that if she would have stopped, she would have started thinking again.

"Maya, hey." her best friend approached her and at that point she couldn't pretend she was alone in that room anymore. She turned the treadmill off and took a deep breath. She turned facing Andy, but looked away immediately after.

"Our shift is over, why are you still here?". Maya didn't answer. She kept staring at the wall in front of her.

"Maya, do I have to remind you what happened the last time you trained too much?"

"No, you don't." the blonde muttered. She finally looked at Andy and got off the treadmill. She wiped the sweat away from her forehead and neck and followed her friend to the locker room.

"Why don't you collect your own stuff, so that I can drive you home?". Maya nodded and did as told. The two were about to leave the station, when they saw Beckett grinning at them.

"Ignore him, Maya. Ignore him." Andy pushed her towards her car, preventing her from doing something very stupid she would have regretted for sure.

"Is Carina home? Or is she working?" she asked, not wanting to leave her friend alone in that state.

"She is working." Maya answered. "But you don't have to stay."

"I want to." Andy said. The blonde shrugged, saying nothing. When they finally got at Maya and Carina's place, Andy felt heartbroken seeing her friend roaming around her own house as she was a ghost.

"Why don't you take a nap?" she suggested.

"I don't want to close my eyes, Andy. I don't want to see my brother.". The Latina sighed. She sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.

"Come here. Let's watch something."

"Are you serious? I mean, it's early in the morning." Maya responded, surprised by that proposal.

"There's not a wrong time to watch Scrubs." Andy replied. "Or whatever relaxes you."

"Scrubs is okay." Maya said, sitting next to her friend. They started an episode, a pack of cookies between Andy's hands. Despite her trying to resist, in the end Maya started laughing, amused by the show.

"Mason loved Scrubs. We used to watch it together, it helped us deal with our father's worst days. It was the only show i've ever watched during my teenage years.". Andy took her friend's hands between hers and sweetly caressed them.

"Raphael wasn't your brother, Maya. Mason is doing fine." she told her.

"You don't know. You can't." Maya replied. "When Ben phoned me, it felt like I was in London again. I'm so mad Andy, at everything. I am here, in a beautiful apartment, married to an amazing woman, I have incredible friends and a job that I love, while my brother is who knows where and Raphael won't ever be able to stay with his sister anymore. I'm furious.". Andy gazed at her, tenderness in her eyes. She didn't know what to say.