pretty brown eyes (a 3rd part to 'boyfriends ^^' but it's better grammar!!!)

chapter 19: 3 months

  Noah's mouth is covered by Parker's hand, but I can tell he's scared or stressed or worried or whatever under that hand. I mean, he's being held at gunpoint. I nod and back up a few steps, listening to Parker and not risking the chances of losing Noah. Not again. "Good boy," Parker mocks. "Now, let me continue."
I hold my hands up as if I'm being arrested, my body shaking and my mind flooded with questions. Dreaming? I'm not dreaming. I'm healing. Right? I'm getting better. Noah never died. I'm getting better.
"My guy Noah here has been lying straight to your face!" Parker grins cruelly. "See, he was so desperate to be with you again. So desperate that once he had the advantage, once you shot yourself, once you fell into a coma in the hospital, he could create an illusion in your mind. Oh, it's so selfish of him. He never ever wanted you to know, Jayden."
My heart sinks. I shake my head. "No.. t-that's not true. Jordan's real. We've.. for three months..."
"Jordan's fake, actually. She's always talking to you in the hospital about her days, which is why fake Jordan's always blabbering about Zoey." That give me the chills. I keep denying it.
"No. No. He promised.. he.." My gaze travels to Noah, who's shaking his head and trying to muffle loud inaudible things through Parker's hand, trying to deny.
"He lied. He lied so he could see you."
"No! No, he wouldn't.. he.. h-he.." My breathing speeds up as I think of how nervous Noah would get whenever we'd talk about how he's even alive. "..are you.. serious.. Noah?.."
Noah's squirming comes to a stop and he looks at me with pleading eyes since his mouth is covered. My eyes are wet with tears threatening to escape.
"We—we spent every day together, Noah..! We—god, we had sex, like, four times!" I'm in complete disbelief. "You knew I was dreaming, you knew you were dead, and you h-had sex with me multiple times?!"
Noah's eyes are teary now.
Parker chuckles, his hand going off Noah's mouth. "I'll leave the rest to you two." Parker walks away.
Noah and I are face to face, nothing coming out of our mouths.
I finally speak. "You told me I was getting better."
"He lied, Jayden." Noah grabs my hand. "Please, just—"
"Don't touch me!" I push Noah's hand away. "Y-You can't say he's lying! Why else would you worry so much? Why wouldn't you tell me what happened? Because you feel like a fucking dick for what you did! I-I can't even.. I can't.. I.."
I begin to cry, leaning against the counter and covering my mouth. My breathing is rapid. I could die any second if I'm in a fucking coma. Could I? I'm not getting better.
I'm not getting better. I'm not getting better. I'm not getting better.
"Jayden," Noah whispers, his voice soft as he steps towards me without touching me.
No wonder he was so quiet when I told him I felt I was dreaming sometimes, too. No wonder he fought Parker; he didn't want Parker to tell me. The same thing when I first saw them.
He's been lying to me for three months.
"D-Don't touch me!" I yell. I'm near hyperventilating and I close my eyes. I'm thinking, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die after being betrayed. I feel like Noah just stabbed me right in the heart.
"Please, listen to me!" Noah's voice is a whisper, but it's harsh.
"No! No, I can't—I can't—fuck—I-I.. I can't.. please just—I don't want to die—I can't—I-I.. Why would you—why—you said you.. you.. you said.."
Noah's eyes soften and he sighs, watching me sob and breathe rapidly. My heart pounds against my chest. I break down and I slide to the floor because I feel too sick to keep my balance. Noah kneels beside me.
"Take your time," Noah whispers, "It'll all be okay.."
"I-It won't be! You l-lied to me!"
"Parker lied, my love! He twisted the story!"
"Twisted the story?! How does that help at all?!"
"Because you're already dead!"
I shut the hell up, sniffling and gasping for air like a little kid does after he cries. "W-What?"
"You.. didn't last long.. I didn't want to be seperated, and I.. I just.. I.."
"...I'm dead?"
"The rest is true. Jordan visits you a lot.. she's been doing okay because of Zoey.."
"..You d-didn't lie to me?"
"No, love. Please, deep breaths." Noah grabs both my hands. He's kneeling in front of me and I hug him tightly.
"I-I'm sorry," I mutter, my heart still pounding in my chest. I feel sick. I'm sobbing now, into his shoulder. He shakes his head.
"No, Jay—I'm sorry I didn't tell you. That was messed up of me. You deserved to know."
"I killed myself," I whisper and my voice cracks. "I.. actually did."
The things "Jordan" said when taking me hone after I "left" the hospital: she wished she'd known sooner. She was talking to me, wasn't she? Her dead brother.
Noah sighs. "But.. but it's okay. You're.. here.. you're getting better.. you're okay.."
His words are comforting despite the situation, and I close my eyes as my crying comes to a halt after awhile. I feel nauseous from how fast my heart was a moment ago and how confusing it all was.
"We can block him out," Noah whispers in my ear, "Parker. We can have our own little dream place."
"Where we can wait for Jordan?" I ask. "..can we have a pool?"
Noah laughs. "Whatever you want. I promise it'll all be alright, okay? If you want, we can.."