pretty brown eyes (a 3rd part to 'boyfriends ^^' but it's better grammar!!!)

chapter 9: childhood

  "You think juggalos nowadays are actually destructive?"
  Noah and I look at each other in confusion, both of us trying not to laugh. I look back at Parker, who's sitting on the other end of the couch with his knees to his chest, "What did you just say?"
  Parker shrugs, pulling out a goddamn phone. I have to choke back a hysterical laugh. "I mean, like, ICP, are they actually destructive, or are they just silly guys?"
  "Who the hell gave you a phone?" Noah asks, holding me closer to him. He's sitting on the couch and I'm on his lap sideways, with my back against the arm of the couch and my feet on the couch cushion. His hand rests in my lap, giving me butterflies all over. Ever since we went to get ice cream over a week ago, we've been very, very awkward, both too scared to make the move we both want to make.
  The front door opens, and Jordan walks in, slamming it, seeming distressed "No one talk to me. Parker stole a fucking iPhone from an old lady." And she runs to her room. That almost gets me, biting my lip to hold back a grin. That's hilarious, but I can't laugh. For reasons. Good reasons.
  Noah scoffs, "Parker? You stole and old woman's phone?"
  "What? She was gonna die soon anyway." Parker shrugs. "Really, though, about the ICP—"
  "If you start putting on juggalo makeup," Noah starts, "I'm gonna kill you."
  "Okay, daddy issues," Parker snickers.
  This is why we don't let annoying people who are quite literally by-heart children have phones.
  Noah is actually really quiet now, and only now am I noticing I know nothing of his childhood other than he got good grades, his family was rich, and his brother died.
  "Noah?" I whisper, kissing his cheek. "You okay?"
  Noah flinches, as if he was in thought, and nods. "I'm fine." He suddenly stands up, with me still in his arms, holding me like some princess. "Let's go."
  I don't really have a say in where we go, since he's carrying me. He brings me to our room, laying me down and laying beside me, pulling me close and spooning me. I'm a little confused by the sudden show of affection.
  But I understand fast.
  "You're not fine."
  "Maybe," Noah whispers in my ear, his face in my shoulder.
  "Why?" I ask, turning around. He seems a little disappointed that he can't spoon me anymore, but he gets over it fast. We're laying there, staring at each other. I'll wait. Anything he needs to say, I'll give him time.
  "He was abusive," Noah says.
  "Who?" I ask back, even though I know who he's talking about.
  "My father." Noah stays quiet for a moment, and so do I; he can take as long as he needs to tell me. "It only started after Parker died. Parker was always the perfect child, the brave one, and I was, uh, I guess, a disappointment. My dad always said that. Called me a, um, fag, a lot. My mom died at birth—she's out of the picture.
  Parker was nice to me despite my father. I looked up to him a lot. I also dedicated myself to getting the best grades I could to impress Dad, but it wasn't enough. Then Parker died, and Dad blamed me. He told me that I should've made Parker walk home a way that's.. safer. But I didn't. That's when it got bad. If I was lucky, I'd get a day where he'd only call me some disappointment or pathetic or an embarrassment. He never took me to family events, and when he did, he'd make sure to lecture me about how I act. I had to be polite, and I had to be neat. That rubbed off on me at school, too. I had to attract girls, I had to be smart, I had to be perfect, I had to be popular. When Parker was, yknow, in my headspace, he'd comfort me. And then I met you, and he just stopped caring... or, he cared too much, and focused on.. what happened.."
  I listen to every word from Noah with patience, my heart breaking. I never knew what my boyfriend went through. And, learning that his only source of comfort was destroyed because I came around gives me a twinge of guilt I can't get off my mind. I sit up, sit on Noah's lap, and hug him. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "You never deserved that."
  Noah shakes his head. "It's in the past now. I'm better. Well, I guess I still worry about being..."
  I don't need him to finish. I know. "You are perfect, Noah. No matter what, you're perfect in my eyes. Now, is there anything else?"
  Noah shakes his head again, smiling softly and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kisses my forehead. "What Parker said just threw me off guard."
  I lay my head on Noah's shoulder, looking up at him. "It would've anyone." I think for a moment. He said his father blamed him. "Are you ever mad at Parker?"
  "For spending four years dedicated to killing you? Fuck yes."
  "Not that. How he took the alleyway as a shortcut. How he got himself shot."
  Noah hesitates. "I guess a little. He didn't know, but he made my highschool and middle school life hell."
  I sigh, hugging him tighter. "I'm so glad I have you, Noah." I've said it before, but I hate seeing him sad. I want him to know he's loved; he's someone I can't live without.
  I cringe to myself thinking that. I literally couldn't live without him.
  Noah chuckles, "I'm glad to have you, too, my love. You really saved me."
  And suddenly my guilt for causing Parker to lose it dissipates. "Really?"
  "Yeah. I had Parker, but.. it's not the same coming from a voice in your head you don't understand. I love you, and you coming into my life was the best thing that'd happened to me in a long time. You introduced me to Jordan. Well, I guess she did to you because.. whatever. If I never met you two, I'd probably still be stuck with my dad right now. At 19."
  I smile, leaning my forehead against Noah's and watch him close his eyes, so I do too.
  I pull myself closer to him, our chests pressed together. I can't shake that feeling I keep getting. The feeling I got when we got ice cream; when his hand rested on my lap yesterday. His hands go on my waist, with a slight grip, pulling me closer. I bite my lower lip, my breathing heavy. Noah suddenly puts his hand on my chin, also grabbing kind of tightly as he makes me look at him. He just stares into my eyes for a moment, and leans in to kiss me.
"Noah, Jayden." Jordan walks in. We both jump, and she blushes herself a bit. "Uuuuum.. I got pizza."