Jealous Rage

Therapy Session

The phone at the precinct kept ringing. Elliot ignored it as he went to the cribs to sleep. He knew it was Kathy trying to reach him. He didn't want to go home and suffer Kathy's rage. He hadn't been coming home at all this week, stating that the workload was getting to him. For the first couple of days, she let it slide, but when he kept staying at the station house, she started calling. 

He groaned as he took off his shirt and pants, grabbing some sweats from his locker. "What are you doing here?" He turned to the voice, sweats in hand. He forgot temporarily that he was only in his boxers, not that he actually cared what she saw. Liv was standing with her arms crossed, waiting for an answer. 

"About to sleep," he said as if it was obvious. 

She shook her head and stepped in the cribs further. "Why aren't you at home?" 

He shrugged, "I didn't feel like getting yelled at." 

Narrowing her eyes, she questioned, "So to avoid getting yelled at, you left at your normal time, then waited around somewhere for everyone else to leave, then came back here to sleep?" 

He thought about it. "Yeah, sounds about right." He gave a hopeless smile. 

Liv rolled her eyes as he walked to the bed he was going to sleep on and sat, sweats still in hand. "Elliot, what's going on?" Liv asked, going to sit beside him. His cock was very aware of how little clothes he was wearing, and started to make itself noticed. He smoothly placed his sweats over his growing erection and looked away from Liv. 

"I don't know Liv. I just can't seem to go home right now." He looked at the floor, avoiding her. 

She placed a hand on his bare shoulder and he held back a shudder. "El, you need to talk to Huang." 

He didn't want to. He didn't want to admit that he was so in love with her. Although, he knew she was right. He was loosing it. "I know," he stated softly. 

Liv stayed with him in the cribs that night. It was the first time they ever shared the sanctuary. She had patted his back soothingly before getting up and going to the neighboring bed. Elliot watched her take her jacket and shoes off, stretching out with a moan. It made his cock twitch, still hard. He inwardly cursed himself and laid back himself, covering himself with the blanket as well. 

She was about ten feet away, sleeping, but Elliot felt as if she was right beside him. For the first time since Stuckey had caused his world to turn upside down, he felt at ease, like the world's problems had lifted. He still didn't understand the feeling he had when he saw her kiss Stuckey. He'd watched her go undercover and flirt many times before. This time had been different though. 

He knew he loved her, but he didn't understand the other feeling behind it. The hot rage that boiled inside him every time he thought about it. He wanted to go to Rikers and kill Stuckey for kissing Liv. His Olivia. 

The next morning, Cragen had called them into his office. He was always the first one here, so Elliot knew that he saw Liv and him sleeping still in the cribs. When the door closed behind Liv, Cragen looked both Elliot and Liv up and down. "Why were you both sleeping here?"

"Kathy called me asking where Elliot was. I found him in the cribs, so I decided to join him. He needs to see Huang again." Liv stated. Elliot knew she would tell. That was something he loved about her. She knew exactly when to tell Cragen and when to be loyal to him and him alone. It was part of their connection. 

Cragen studied Elliot, who tried to act as if he wasn't completely crazed with lust after his own partner. "Go to Huang, Elliot."

Closing his eyes in defeat, he turned on his heels and left. He felt Liv's eyes on him as he left. What else would they talk about? There was a good chance he was going to have to come clean. If not, he was going to completely loose his mind. 

Once again, he was back in that same room. It made him angry that he had to come back. Although, Huang seemed happy that Elliot didn't even object to coming back. "I'm glad you came back, Elliot."

Elliot scoffed in his seat. "Cragen sent me."

"Still, you could have refused. I cleared you for work." Huang watched as Elliot think about that. 

"You shouldn't have," Elliot finally said. 

Huang wrote that down. "Why?"

Elliot paused, watching  the gentle breeze move the flowers on the table in front of him. The window open helped to distract him from his fear. "Because I didn't give you the truth last time."

"I know." Huang waited as Elliot processed. "Are you ready to finally say it?"

It had been a week since the initial session. A week of Elliot suffering in silence, avoiding his wife and kids. A week of being near Liv and acting like nothing was wrong. "I love her."

Elliot's eyes became unfocused. He was lost in thought. "I was so angry when she kissed him. I know it was to save us both, but it should have been me she was kissing. I hated Stuckey more when he kissed Olivia than when he was trying to kill me." 

Huang was writing every single word down as the words kept pouring from Elliot. "I haven't been home in a week. I can't go back. I'm so in love with Olivia that even Kathy would see it a mile away. Not to mention the kids. I can't take the yelling or accusations that we've slept together before." 

"Have you wanted to?" Huang asked. 

Elliot nodded slowly. "Yeah. So many times I've thought about it. So many times I've gotten off in the shower thinking of us. So many times instead of Kathy, I'm imagining Liv." He leaned forward, hands covering his face as if it would make him disappear. 

He was ashamed of what he was saying. Everything that he bottled up and threw away after 12 years of partnership. It was spilling out of him like a knife wound to an artery. "When Kathy told me she was pregnant with Eli, I was thinking of asking Liv out." 

"Why did you get back together with Kathy?" Huang asked. 

Elliot shrugged. He didn't fully know. "She wanted to try again. I guess I wasn't ready to admit anything." 

"Why now?"

Good question. "Seeing Liv actually kiss another man made me loose it. I knew she sometimes dated around, but seeing and hearing about it is different." 

After several minutes of writing, Huang asked, "So you were jealous?"

Jealousy. A Godly sin. "I guess I was."

"What are you going to do now? Go back to Kathy?" 

Elliot shook his head. "No, I can't go back. As for what next, I don't know if I'm ready to tell her about it yet."