Roots | ONC 2024

XI : Wander

Shanirin goes for hours, doing his best to stay on track. Heart, all of these trees look exactly the same though.

Night falls eventually, he knows he should find somewhere to hide, because his little knife won't help him much by way of defense if a Soulbiter came rolling out of the brush, but he is too antsy to let more hapless hours pass. He shall just be careful and quiet.

If he is even going the right way anymore.

Trekking through the Forest is difficult. It is dense and unforgiving. And Shanirin understands why. His people had transgressed. Slain the divine from which all life had sprung. The Forest, themselves, the animals, everything.

No mercy for the guilty.

He just wishes it weren't so easy to get turned around. He wishes he were better at wayfinding. Oh, how he needs Umi now. Shanirin closes his eyes, momentarily pausing his stride. He always needs Umi.

He has to figure this out on his own. Somehow. Umi had tried many times to teach him how, Shanirin remembers well that day.

"Always search for a reference point," Umi says, placing down a little wooden carving of a fox on the floor in front of them.

He carves in his spare time, and Shanirin worships the beautiful little figurines. They are displayed above their bed.

"Imagine, if you will, this fox to be your point of reference, and you are standing here," he places another carving, of a bear this time, behind the fox to symbolize.

Shanirin nods, absorbed in the lesson. He could listen to Umirin talk for hours.

"Now you may, for example, observe the sun in relation to your reference point. If it shall set in the same direction as your reference is facing toward, then you know that direction is west," he explains, gesturing with his hands.

Shanirin nods, trying to internalize this properly. He has had these lessons before, in training, but it never took because he lost sight of his bearings whenever he was put into the field. Everything winds up looking the same to him, blurring together.

"When you have found west, the opposing direction is east," Umi nods.

"It sounds so simple when you say it like that," Shanirin muses, studying the two figurines they're sitting in front of intensely. He remembers all this theory, yet fails to apply it.

Umirin smiles and leans over to embrace him, his arms cradling Shanirin close, Shanirin melting into the hug, "I understand beloved, it is fickle. Worry not, I believe you shall succeed one day," Umi mumbles to him, his voice so loving.

Shanirin's heart aches with the weight of the lovely memory. He feels his body grow warm, his heart a flurry. Thinking of his little one brings him such peace, no matter how dire the situation.

Umi believes in him. He cannot fail.

Find a reference point, he'd taught Shanirin.

Right. Shanirin takes a deep breath as he looks around for something to use. Everything is so much bigger from ground level, and there is hardly much around save for endless trees.

He picks a tree at random, tries to orient himself how Umirin had explained, but it is night, so dark. He wants to use the stars, but peering into the sky to pick out the brightest one to follow proves fruitless.

They all appear as sparkling dots and nothing more. Shanirin cannot tell them apart. They seem a uniform glowing blanket over the expanse of the night sky.

Yet again, a messy blur. Dammit.

Shanirin bites his lip, searching for the moon next. Surely, that will help the same way as seeing as the sun does. If only the night was clearer, the moon visible. He can't see it though, and his heart sinks further.

How is he this useless? Heart, he needs something to go right, just one thing at the very least.

Figuring out the directions, it seems, will have to wait the night. He can't waste any more time on this right now, so he resumes walking, pushing himself through the brush. He has not strayed from his one direction to the best of his ability, hopefully it will lead him somewhere, eventually.

He shall keep Umirin's teaching in mind for when there is more light, but for now, he shall just try to follow the path of the Elder. Some of the dug out tracks left behind in rows after Soulbiters are still visible, which helps comfort him slightly that he is at least following some semblance of sense.

Unless, of course, he is following the tracks of another Soulbiter at random, a thought which Shanirin tries to stifle from his mind because it merely panics him more.

These tracks the beasts leave behind are strewn all over the Forest floor, they are not entirely reliable. And other critters skittering about muddle them, rain sweeps them away, it helps very little.

Heart, he has nigh nothing to go off of, he struggles to tell directions, he has little resources, this is all so very wrong.

He doesn't regret the choices he made, he will continue to search tirelessly, he would do it all again, but oh, the restlessness and panic now that he's here is set deep into his bones, his flesh.

He has to do this, there is no turning back. He needs to push through the stress, his chest aches but he must make it through all of this. He doesn't know how, he just knows he must.

The Forest rumbles around him, rustling and alive with many things just out of his sight. The air is crisp and fragrant. Shanirin bodily shudders, tries to return himself to calm, despite how his nerves are wrecked.

If only just one thing would go right, go in his favour. Everything just keeps stacking against him, against them.

It feels so intensely unfair, and his eyes burn so fiercely, but Shanirin tries so hard to cast this horror away, even though it tastes like ash on his tongue.

He will somehow find a way. It does not matter what he needs to do. He will give up any and all parts of himself if he ever gets such a choice. Anything to beat these impossible odds. This simmering desperation, it threatens to overwhelm his senses slowly but surely. He feels so scattered, alone and so small in the darkest, deepest night. The possibility things may not turn out well no mattet what he does rips at him, tatters him into shreds.

Heart, he must overcome. He promised he would, Umi needs him. He cannot keep spiraling back into panic every so often.

Shanirin feels so strongly, wildly, it is a constant wrestling match to hold this turmoil down. Especially given the very poor results he's had thus far.

Heavens, this underbrush is thick, he feels it tangle at his legs, scuff his clothing.

Shanirin pushes on still, he has no more choice but to. He forces himself to be okay now, he keeps repeating to himself he will not let this go on, these endless cycles. For Umi, he must find the strength.

This night shall pass. The sun shall rise.

Shanirin will continue on his way, cling to any and all hope he can grasp for. Not all is lost just yet, he has some direction at least. Something to guide him.

Better times will come, he reaffirms to himself. They always do, don't they?