The Alpha's Underworld Princess

Not Tonight

Anthony

I knew I needed sleep, but it would not come. After almost two days of trying to put the pieces together, we still didn't have Val back, and I wanted to kill Wyatt for it. The trail that Bryan found went cold about two miles in. They had to have gone to the road and got in a car, which meant they went either east or west of the packlands. That's not much to go on.

Sleeping felt wrong, but I was really struggling to think straight anymore. All I could think was how much of an asshole I was to her and then how she felt I was upset with her. I might never be able to apologize. Never be able to tell her how much I loved the blanket. I went to my room a lot in the last two days to wrap myself in it and cry. Occasionally, her pain, her fear, would leak through our bond, and it was maddening not being able to stop it.

But most importantly, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. Give her back the memory of our night together. Tell her how I regretted leaving that night. Wanted her to be mine. Thought she was my mate. Wanted everything that came with that. Taking care of her. Carrying her everywhere. Holding her in my lap while I worked. Fighting next to her. Rebuilding my pack together. Making it our pack. Have her in my bed every night under me. See her swelling with my pup. Dying with her whenever that time may be. I wanted all of it. I vowed if I ever got her back, I would tell her.

I drove to my brother's pack instead of sleeping. It might help to have a distraction. Being further from her scent could help me think. I could forget every mistake I had made when it came to her for a short period.

The guards waved me through after parking, and I tried to convince myself that I needed this, that it was an entirely reasonable thing to do. But I was lying to myself. I really needed to feel better because I was too weak to cope with the amount of distress I was feeling. If I didn't do this, I would lose my mind and cry. There was no time for that. Not that there was time for this either, but we agreed to stop for a few hours. We were spinning our wheels.

This she-wolf came onto me when I was about halfway to my room; I thought I might vomit, feeling her hands on me. I couldn't stand to be touched by her or really anyone. "Sorry. I have to see my brother. It's urgent."

"Come find me after?" I nodded, but I wouldn't. Faced with the idea of having sex, it made me cringe. There was no way I could touch anyone right now. I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea.

'It usually is.' Xander tried to explain it but was as confused about everything as I was. I remembered the night she commanded me away after I slept with someone. Did she somehow know? If there was even a minute chance she felt it, I couldn't do that to her. Not now. I wouldn't let her believe even for a second that I didn't care about her enough to focus all my attention on finding her. That some random woman was more important than stopping her pain.

I'm not sure how long it had been since I showered, but I decided it might calm me down. Throwing on the water, I stared at myself in the mirror. How could I have been gone so long? Trusted Gavin to guard her? Been such a jerk? Why couldn't I find her? Those questions wouldn't stop. When I climbed into the shower, and the water hit me, I imagined her standing there with me, which felt odd. I had never showered with her before. But her small frame leaned on the wall and gave me this innocent yet seductive smile. "Since when don't you like a challenge? Why will you fight for everyone but me?" My hallucination said to me, and it was an excellent question. Why did I step aside and let him have her? It felt like something I had to do. Almost as if it was fated for me to do it. Someone or something had set me up to live this life. But that was all an excuse. Had I fought for her, she would be safe. I would have never let this happen to her. We saw it coming from a mile away, and Wyatt did nothing to stop it.