NIKOAJ || hearts and stars

Push me.

I stared at the self-inflicted wounds, Niko eyes were piercing through mine, his eyes darting from the hand that was bloodied, to my wrist that was sawed apart, to my eyes.

"Aj." Niko whispered; he whispered as if he didn't mean for it to slip out. It was like his head stopped working, his grip on my wrist loosened and I pulled my wrist from his hands. I turned around and tried to head for the stairs "no, no, Aj, no." Niko mumbled out as he followed me up the stairs. "No, no!" He pushed me against the railing of the stairs and grabbed my face, he appeared stressed, like he would either cry or yell at me, but he didn't know which. "Why, why Aj?" Niko strained his voice, his words coming out breathy and messy. "Why, why, why?" Niko's hands slipped up into my hair and he rested his head against mine as he tried to contain soft sobs. "You were-" Niko paused, unable to breath "you were getting better! You were doing so well!" Niko cried out, his hands sinking to my shoulders. "I'm sorry." I whispered, so quietly I didn't even think he heard me. "I don't know what happened." I whispered; Niko looked into my eyes as I tried to explain myself. "I wasn't thinking." I said with a monotone voice. Niko shook his head and pulled me into his arms, "I know, I know you didn't mean this, Aje. You didn't mean to do this, right?" he whispered, I shrugged, I did. I consciously grabbed the blade and cut into my wrist, despite the prolonged moment of me trying to talk myself out of it.

Niko grabbed my hand and led me to his bathroom. He ran water over the cuts and cleaned them up for me while I stood there. My head was empty as he silently cleaned the blood. He found bandages under his sink and carefully bandaged the cuts. He turned and looked at me.

"I don't think this is working out." He spoke, his voice was quiet.

I started to panic, I raised my head and felt my heart drop, was he really going to send me where I thought we was?

"No, Niko, I'm sorry, please. I'm so sorry, I won't do it again, please don't send me away." I begged, grasping his shirt. Niko stared at me and softly eased me off him. "I don't think I can ever bring myself to send you to a psychiatric hospital. We're going to work on this, and with me being the person for you to fall back on, it's not working. A therapist can help you, I can't Aj." He told me, looking blankly at the floor "yes you can! You're doing amazing, please, Niko, please!" I praised him, hoping he would give in. Niko stared at me and shook his head. "I can't help you. I don't want to fall back into it as well." He told me, "A therapist can help you Aj, they will help you." He smiled softly. I didn't want to see him; I didn't want anyone to know I was fucking stupid. "Whatever, I don't fucking care anymore." I swore. "No. Stop." Niko said firmly, stopping me before I even took a step. "Where the hell was the blade from?" He asked and I froze "where is it now?" Niko asked. Fuck.

The blade was still somewhere on my bedroom floor.

Niko clocked my reaction and ran to my room. I followed him as fast pace as possible "Niko!" I growled. Niko slammed my bedroom door, locking himself inside. I banged on the door repeatedly and he opened it a matter of seconds later. He looked at me with crossed arms. "Where the fuck was it hidden?" he asked, raising his voice when he swore, he looked like he could raise his hand at any time, aggravated or not. "Doesn't matter now, you've gotten the bloody blade!" I yelled at him "I need to make sure you haven't got any more." he said firmly. I pushed past him into my room and pointed to the crack between my window and wall.

He stared at me. "You bastard." Niko muttered, pushing me onto my bed. I landed on my ass; my hands falling behind me to keep myself up as an instinct. He leaned forward, his hands trapping mine against the bed. "If I find anymore, I won't be this fucking nice." He growled right beside my ear, something in me buzzed with a weird sense of excitement. He backed away from me, walking to my door and slamming it as he left.

There must've been something wrong with me to think his anger was hot.

I got up and left my room, walking downstairs just in time to see Niko coming back inside, probably disposing of the blade in a bin outside. "I'm pissed off Aj, don't try with me right now." He groaned, grabbing his phone from his pocket and making a phone call. He stood against the kitchen counter and looked out the window. "Hey, It's Nikolas Omilana calling on behalf of Ayaanle Shabeel, I was wondering if he could get an advance on the appointment, he's a high-risk patient and recently relapsed." He spoke into his phone "yeah, sounds good. Are we able to keep that second appointment as well?" He asked, his voice extremely serious "yeah, thank you." he nodded "no, I won't be coming in with him for the first appointment. His sessions are none of my business." Niko explained, glancing over at me for confirmation, to which I nodded. "Sounds good, we'll see you then." He smiled, hanging up.

Niko looked at me instantly after hanging up "appointment to see a therapist on Monday." Monday was only two days away. "Okay." I groaned "Don't get moody with me." Niko glared at me "whatever." I rolled my eyes, turning back to the stairs "I'm serious." Niko raised his voice "anyway, we have to go straight to the appointment, it's at 10am, then we've got to go to set." He told me as I walked up the stairs "yeah, thanks." I called out with a monotone voice. "God, you piss me off." Niko groaned.

I knew part of Niko was genuinely mad, but the other part of him didn't know how to feel, he was happy I was okay but at the same time sad I would hurt myself again. And I couldn't get the way he pushed me onto the bed out of my head.

I went to my room and laid there until I fell asleep from pure boredom. 

CHARLIE:

planning to write the therapy session and then time skip to his birthday which is like a few days away in the story line. (monday occurs in the story line on the 25th) so like five days later its his birthday so vibe.

also im thinking of taking a break after i finish Nikoaj, i have a few thousand written for the sharky and kenny thing im planning to write but like im tired LMAO, i wont be gone for long i'll probably like not upload for like a week and then come back tbh. but thats when i finish this so like its chill hopefully.

LOVE YOU SO MUCCHHHHH