An Addict's Rendition

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Slipping and sliding through alternative eyes, flying out of body to face self-demise. There is no time in this infinite space where visions spiral with self-loathing and hate. The reenactment of every dark and dirty deed, emerges in a living nightmare.

˜ ˜ ˜

The Red Flower schooner rocks back and forth on the gentle tide.

"Is he well?" Danan's voice is a distant whisper in Jain's mind.

"Of course not, although I believe the worst is over. Drop withdrawal is a nasty affair. One many men cannot bear." Lord Varesh washes Jain's brow with cooling, fresh water.

"Look at his scars." Danan gasps as his eyes wander over Jain's countless wounds and lacerations.

"His deepest wounds lay within. Once he rouses, I will do my best to remove the taint that remains. Although I fear our friend will carry some burdens for all his days,

"Such mutterings, Lord Varesh. Are these deeds his reality?"

"Some, undoubtedly, are master monk. Others may be figments of a fractured mind. There is no doubt Jain has endured some terrible things. He has also made others suffer. That said, he is also special, beyond your knowledge."

"Forgive me, Lord Varesh. How is he special? I cannot see it. I've never comprehended such a state. For man to fall so low."

"Low? Master Danan. This is nothing. What comes with the shadow of the night is a fate far worse than death. From those depths, there is no return. Jain's body and mind are cleansing. We can only steer him on the right path."

Danan nods with a grimace as Jain lies on a narrow wooden cot bed covered in vomit, blood, and black bile. His red, raw wrists and ankles, restrained to the cot bed by thick leather straps.

˜ ˜ ˜

Jain drifts into the sorry depths of his mind.

"You don't care for me or anyone else, Jain, unless it benefits you," Jain's wife accuses.

Jain attempts to justify himself. "Darling, I'm striving to become a better husband. I promise to change."

"A thief can never truly change."

"A Thief? Please enlighten me."

"You stole my pride when I was just a girl, seduced by your florid flattery and amorous charms. You've gambled away my family's wealth. I know you roll in the filth, laying with those rancid gutter sluts. The stench of sex clings to your clothes. Had I known the misery I would endure, I would have embraced death myself."

"Death? If the servants overhear such nonsense, false rumors will spread. Have you no shame?"

"Shame? You felt no shame while I carried our child."

"What did you say? My love, let us rejoice—a child! Forget this nonsense. I am a changed man, and I give you my word as a father."

"Do you think I would ever bring your tainted child into this world?"

"My love, what have you done?"

"Do you know how the slums deal with unwanted life? They sliced it out of me, a rich bitch under the butcher's knife. They cut it from me and discarded it like rotten meat. I only rejoice that the taint is gone."

"You have deprived me of a child? You have slain our precious creation."

"I have robbed you, as you robbed me."

"Leave me. Now. I beg of you. Leave this place now or—"

In the darkest depths of Jain's mind, his nails rake away the skin, tearing through handfuls of bloody flesh. Clumps of blood-soaked hair and scalp hang from his blood-drenched hands. Covered in gore, Jain stares at a bag of butchered skin and flesh. From the pulped mess crawls the body of an unborn child with gleaming white eyes.

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