Subject-59

chapter 17

waking up in my bed felt…wrong.

I knew I was no longer dreaming– no…remembering whatever happened but this reality, if I could even call it that, felt unreal.

lifting my hand up I looked over my fingers that were once covered in my own blood. in that memory I felt myself slipping. felt my life fading away as I lay there on the ground.

all of that was real, it had to be, so how is it that I'm here now? why is it that I didn't remember any of that before?!

I covered my face feeling overwhelmed and confused by the flood of information. why– how am I still alive? What happened to me? What is happening to me!?

How are there suddenly so many gaps in my memory? I can't remember anything before a few weeks ago, it's all so vague like everything is blurred out.  Climbing out of bed I stumbled over to my bathroom to look at myself in the mirror.

pulling up my shirt I looked over my chest that should've had four deep jagged marks across it but there was nothing.

hot tears started reaming down my face as I sobbed and laughed at my predicament. Am I losing my mind? maybe none of this is real, it's all just some kind of hellish nightmare? Am I even awake right now?

“Ava” a familiar voice spoke up in my head making me freeze and go silent. I could see mist seeping through the doorway from my sleeping quarters. 

hesitantly I moved into the doorway to look into the room. sitting on my bed was none other than S-59.

I was speechless seeing him once more only this time it wasn't some dream or memory… at least i think?

looking over his form I couldn't help but notice just how tired he seemed. “y-you…” I breathed.

“You are…confused,” He said quietly. 

His response took me by surprise and I stepped closer to him. “Are you…real?” reaching out to touch him he flinched away from me and didn't respond.

I wasn't sure what to say and could only stare at the being before me in uncertainty. moments ago I had witnessed him nearly kill me. ‘What if– what if he did? am I even alive right now?’

“ha– haha!” I laughed, taking the creature by surprise as I backed up into the wall before sliding down to the floor. “this is all so fucked…my brain is just one giant shattered mirror right now with so many missing pieces.”

S-59 just stared at me, not saying a word.

I grabbed at my hair, everything felt like it was falling apart. no, everything was falling apart, there was no question. about it now. 

“I can't even yell at you or be angry because I have no clue as to what is happening to me. hell I don't even know if I'm hallucinating again or if I'm even alive! for all I know this is just some sick twisted afterlife! After all, how can I even be alive right now? you attacked me!”  my voice was laced with so much frustration and I could see S-59 lower his gaze in shame.

“So you know about that…” he said quietly to himself. He seemed upset, almost as upset as I was over the whole situation. but more than anything, he seemed exhausted, if I didn't know any better I'd say he was the one being tormented by strange visions, nightmares, and insomnia.

We both sat there on opposing sides of the room. me staring at the creature before me, him looking to the ground, slumped over.

“I shouldn't be here, I should be around you like this. but I don't know what else to do…” he murmured quietly. I watched S-59 closely confused by what he meant.