Helluva Child

22: whoopsie-death

"So are you!" Millie butts in, picking Blitz up and holding him aside. "So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-havin' B***H?!"

There was a pause as Keenie processed what she had heard.

"...FILTHY DEMON CRAP!"

Keenie launches herself at Millie, and they both engage into cat fight as Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at Blitz and Moxxie who run away, drawing their guns in the process.

"O-Oh! watch the baby one!" Collin exclaimed, as the arrows narrowly missed hitting you.

"A demon is a demon, Collin!" Cletus snaps, shooting at the fleeing imps. "Just focus on getting rid of these cretins!"

The purple cherub whimpers, looking at you in hesitance before grabbing you by the scruff of your onesie and takes you down to the stage, setting you down by the stressed pianist. "N-Now you s-s-stay here!"

He then flew back up to the brawl, prompting you to reach back up at him with both hands in protest. "Sheep!"

Millie and Keenie roll off the catwalk, in Moxxie spots and jumps off of the side of the catwalk, grabbing onto a nearby rope, swinging as he aims his pistol at Keenie, who is still fighting with Millie as they freefall, exchanging several punches to the face in the process. Seeing he had no clear shot, Moxxie aims up and fires at a rope which releases a sandbag that slams into Keenie, separating her and Millie, to which Moxxie swings over and catches Millie as Cletus and Collin chase them down, firing their crossbows at them.

Millie grabs Moxxie's face and they stare into each other's eyes with lustful grins before they passionately make out as they swing above the stage, Millie pulling two machine guns out of Moxxie's coat and firing as they spin rapidly, hitting and killing various audience members in the first two rows.

"Yay!" You giggled cheerfully, flopping onto your back as you watched the chaotic scene unfold, earning a brief concerned side-eye from the pianist.

"It's all starting to make sense now!" Lyle notes, unaffected by the newfound chaos.

"Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer!"

"Plus… I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things!" Lyle pulls out wads of cash for emphasis, before holding them up in triumph. "I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!"

The remaining audience members claps happily for Lyle, including you, but only because you heard them clapping.

Meanwhile, Blitz runs along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol, jumping onto a bit of scaffolding holding some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope, just as Cletus comes up to him and they proceed to point their weapons at each other. Blitz attempts to fire but finds his gun empty, putting him at a brief disadvantage.

After an awkward beat, Blitz throws the flintlock into Cletus' face, hitting the cherub square in the eye. "Oof! You f**ker!"

In his pain, Cletus inadvertently fires an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitzo is standing on and that Moxxie and Millie are swinging from, prompting all three imps to fall along with the metal scaffolding as it smashes onto the floor of the stage, landing on the floor just behind the pianist and bending the board beneath him at a cartoonishly angle.

The pianist is startled for a moment, but he then stands up, calmly straightens his bow tie and drops his stool down onto the solid stage floor. He then uses it to safely drop down from the bent floorboard, just the board gives way, catapulting the piano through the air.

You giggled and clapped at the funny display, to which the man does a small, brief bow towards you.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie follow the piano with their eyes as it soars through the air, heading towards the audience. Lyle turns to see the piano flying straight towards him, screaming like a woman at the before scrambling out of his bed into a seat behind the front row. However, the piano somehow shifts to his new location and lands squarely on him, crushing him entirely.

"Well, well. Would'ya looook at that?" Moxxie smirks at the terrified Cherubs. "You... did our job... for us. Heh!" Millie smirks and gives the cherubs two middle fingers while you just gurgled happily.

As the three cherubs stared at the crushed cadaver in horror, Collin gasps at the dreadful realization of the lapse. "Ohhhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God--!"

Keenie abruptly snatches Collin by the shirt and slaps him across the face a few times. "Get a hold of yourself, Collin!" She snaps, before shoving her muzzle into his. "And do NOT use the Lord's name in VAIN!"

"THIS... ISN'T OVER!" Cletus points angrily at the imps and you waved goodbye to them as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven for them to flee to, though only a second later they are suddenly repelled back.

"WHAT THE?!" Cletus cries out as a group of A group of cherubs descend from the portal composed of two bees, two sheep and a doe in the middle, floating with their hands together with calm, smiling expressions.

"Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Cletus, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human." The doe said in a calm, nonchalant manner, tapping a hoof against a clipboard, before desummoning it, and giving the trio a patronizing smile. "I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo..."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry..." The deer went on, her voice devoid of any real remorse or bother. "Yeaaaah, no…"

"Is there… anything we can do?!" Collin asks desperately, but Deerie just files her hoof, completely lacking any compassion.

"Yeaaaah, nooo!" She chuckles in a patronizing manner. "Noooo, no, no."

She then proceeds to say "no" while pointing her hooves at Collin, Cletus and Keenie respectively.

"Bu- But, we didn't mean to! We'd never! It was all--" Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, only to find you had already fled the scene.

"Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah..." Deerie concludes in a condescending voice. "Byyyye!"

She then departs with a cheery wave as she and the group vanish through the portal, leaving the crestfallen cherubs with their newfound predicament.

"Wait! But--" Cletus tries to fly after Deerie, but it closes on him. Now stuck in the living world in newfound banishment, Cletus breaks down into tears and sobs like a lost baby.