I Just Do Not Belong Anywhere

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I still remember that awkward conversation:

"Sweetie, we need to talk." she says as I was still healing from my wounds. I was too young to realize what was about to happen to me.

Puberty seemed like one of those far away fantasy lands that you heard about, but never visited. Yet, once you get there, you just want to go home to simpler times!

"Your GP wants you on a hormone regiment as your body now lacks the ability to produce the male hormone. You have a choice; we can give you testosterone and it will make you look male, or estrogen and that will make you look female."

I thought about what had already happened and that mom had always wanted a girl. I figured, if it makes her happy, then I would be happy too. And besides, my trust in the male-gender wasn't there anyone.

I despised my dad for what he did to me.

"I'll take the one that makes me female." I told her as she smiled and nodded. And a month later, I was on estrogen for life.

So, by the time that I had turned 14 years old, mom and I began talking about making one final change...and it took us to court this day...

~~~

"...I am of sound mind and body; and I am not changing my name to flee from debtors or the law, your honor." I commented, burying the past.

"Mr. River O'Neill; I have reviewed your application for the legal sex and name change." as he begins to read my preferred name "Mr. O'Neill has petitioned this court to change her name to Miss Jessica O'Neill...is this correct?" he asks as I nod.

"Yes, your honor." I quickly say as the judge looks over at mom.

"You are his mother?" he then asked my mother who nodded her head.

"Yes, your honor."

"And do you accept your son's willingness to change his gender from male to female, and name from River to Jessica?" the judge asks as mom nods her head once more.

"Yes, your honor." The judge deliberates for a moment before passing his judgment.

"Very well then," as he looks over at me "and you are aware that once this is done, it becomes permeant, yes?"

"I am aware, your honor." I answered.

"Very well then...I thereby grant your request for your name change, and due to your physical appearance, I grant you your sex change. You must take these documents to the clerk and have them notarized and then take a copy to social security and change your license and all records and accounts under the previous name. Good luck in your adventures."

"Thank you, your honor." I say as the bailiff hands the documents to me as it was now official...I was now Jessica O'Neill...a female.

Mom looks at the document and hugs me as she was bubbling over with joy. We left the court as traffic infractions and lawsuits took up the rest of the judge's time.

"Have a seat." mom said as I waited outside of the clerk's office, sitting patiently.

I look down at myself: if you never knew I was born male, you would never know my story. Because I started hormones long before puberty had the change to reshaped my body into a male, I was able to reverse the transformation and have the body that best suits me.

With our business concluded, I sat in the passenger's seat as mom drives us back home. She was still in a jovial mood.

"I am thinking about dinner at Alec's." she said with a smile as I like to eat out occasionally, and nodded in agreement.

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