"Dilemma Of Faith"

Chapter-7

Baba smiles so do I. Hiding my tensions in smile is easy than explaining the tension itself.

......

The next morning

After doing the last button of my sea- green abaya and adjusting my hijab, I see my reflection in the mirror, I may stay silent outside, but the sounds screaming inside me, tearing my soul apart;

"Rumi! Hijab is... ' your identity!'"

If there is no self-control, a man dies. But if a woman becomes immoral, a society is destroyed"

"she looks odd. Doesn't she? "

" this is worse than death for her".

"You look different from others"

"Stop it", I cover my ears as those words are bombing in my ears, taking long breaths; I remember what Yuri said, "There's only one solution!!" And I get lost back in that scene, "you don't disappoint your parents and still want to look normal. So put on hijab when you leave home and take it off when you get here in campus. Look! No one knows your background here, no one here is familiar, nor family relations. So your parents would never know. You'll be safe from all directions. Simple".

" she is right tho" I say to my reflection, more I think, more I realize that it's the only way to keep my modesty and modernism in balance.

Getting out of the room, I see Rumi is still taking her breakfast, in a stern voice, "Rumi! Let's go! ". Maa arranging the plates on the table.

"But unnie! It's just 7:04 . " she says while watching the time, on her wrist.

"I said let's go means we are leaving! ", I say while opening the main door, my tone shows no mercy.

Rumi looks at maa a little surprised, maa shrugs her shoulder, saying, " what happened to her? "

......

I enter the girl's restroom. With a sigh, I unbutton my abaya, just like I'm betraying myself. I take it off, adjust my scarf. Seeing my reflection, I want to slap myself, perhaps for others it's not a big deal, I'm not revealing myself but still a bond with abayas for years, in Pakistan everyone knows I used to wear abaya but here. I can't fight with glares anymore. It's better in everyone's favor.

"Fatima? " I turn back after putting my abaya in my locker, no one but ji-ho just standing behind me, a crooked smile appears on her face, I wonder in what sense, but my lack of confidence is fading away, "OMG! Finally I'm seeing a human without that Boring ass gown but what's with the head cover? "

"It's my hijab, ji-ho! I can't take that off," I say in annoyance. It's just my girls whom I feel comfortable enough to talk but others. Never.

"Oh well well, obviously it's your choice, but still you're looking simple enough, can I take a little chance? "

"Chance? " . Just then I see Yuri and Millie joining us, their gazes travel from my head wear to shoes, wearing a white kurta with jeans and that sea green hijab covering my head.

"Wow! Your body tone is so perfect, you look incredible without hijab...and what a height you got". Millie says excitedly like I'm the model of her magazines.

" father's genes, right? " Yuri asks. I nod.

But ji-ho is still stuck, "guys! I was asking Fatima for one more thing, ". Getting attention she continues, " perhaps a little touch of makeup? "

My eyes widen, it's not like i don't wear makeup but still in an Institute, where you're supposed to focus on studies, you become an influencer? Weird.