The Roommate

Chapter 15

For nutalala

I woke up first that morning. I slipped out of Scott's warm embrace and silently got dressed. I snuck out of my own room to sit on the couch. What have I done? What have a become? I was a horrible person who was just playing with someone's emotions. I brought my knees to my chest. I wanted to be alone. I didn't feel like myself right now.

"Mitch?" Scott walked into the living room with only his bottoms on. He was rubbing his eyes gently. "What are you doing out here?"

"I made a mistake." I whispered it to myself. He sat down next to me.

"What?"

"I don't feel like I should. I don't feel about you what you feel about me. I shouldn't have done that." He sighed, his head falling back. I had my eyes squeezed shut. I didn't want to say that to him. I didn't want to hurt him in any way. But here I am, hurting him because I can't get any of my feelings in check. There's this nagging in my head telling me to at least try to love him. But the dominate thought is that he will hurt me. That as soon as I do something wrong, it will be his fist that kisses my cheek. "I made a mistake. I shouldn't have...."

"It wasn't a mistake to me." There was a long silence. It sounded like he was thinking. "You remember how I told you I was in love? And I hadn't even met the guy properly?" I looked over at him.

"Yeah?"

"He happened to be you. I-" I watched his nervous posture. "I'm trying not to be creepy. But Kirstie told me stories about the time she spent with you. And when I bumped into you at that party, you were so nice to me. You cleaned me up." A memory sparked.

"You were the one who got in the fight with Ronnie. Why didn't I recognize you?" I looked over his face.

"Maybe because my hair was blue, my eye was swollen, and my cheek was cut open." I couldn't stop myself. My hand went to run through his hair. It was so soft.

"He was yelling at me and you stood up for me. Why?" I put my hand down to rest in my lap.

"He had no right to yelling at you like that in public."

"You had no right to interrupt us!" I stood up from the couch. In reality, I was grateful. But I didn't know what was wrong with me. "That's was our argument! For our relationship! Last time I checked, you weren't fucking a part of that!" I turned my back, covering my mouth. It slipped out. My irrational thoughts slipped out.

"Well, I'm sorry I felt like helping out! You were terrified of him!" I spun around. He was standing up now.

"That doesn't mean you had to go and do that shit! All because of a pathetic crush!"

"I'm sorry I found you amazing! I'm sorry I thought you were worth every fucking thing I knew existed!" His anger seemed to fade. "I'm sorry I thought you were beautiful. I'm sorry I cherished every moment with you." He blinked and I watched the tears travel down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" He looked away.

"Maybe because my heart is broken."

"I didn't even love you! How could your heart be broken?!" I was trying to stop myself. Scott began walking towards me and I back away until I was pressed against the wall.

"You not loving me back is the worse way to be heartbroken! You don't have to be a fucking asshole about it!" I tensed, my body going into a defensive mode.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" I screamed at him.

"Fine!" He threw his hands up. "I can't fucking deal with this anymore. I'll get my shit another day." He grabbed a jacket to put on before going to the door. He walked out and it hit me. Why did I do that? I didn't want him to leave. I ran to the doorway.

"Scott, I-" He was halfway down the hall when I came outside. My voice was caught. "I....I-" He turned around to look at me. I felt my own tears start. He came back over. His hand brushed along my cheek and he kissed me. This was a goodbye kiss.

"I love you, Mitch." He was walking away from me backwards. "And I hope you're happy. In whoever you fuck." I closed my eyes, my hands coming to rest over my heart.

"I didn't mean it." I slid down against the frame and cried. Scott left me there. And I didn't blame him.

"Mitch?" I looked to where my elderly neighbor was peeking her head out.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jatto. I didn't mean to yell."

"Sweetie, it's three in the morning. You should go to sleep. Maybe you can talk to him later in the morning. I would rather hear you two having sex than you two fighting." She smiled at me. "Sucks to have paper thin walls, doesn't it?" I could only nod. I went back inside, throwing myself on the couch. I sat there for hours until someone burst through my front door.

"How could you do that, Mitch?!" Kirstie was standing with her hands on her hips. But her anger vanished when she saw that I had been crying.

"I'm an asshole. Why would I do that to him?" I hid my face in the pillow and cried. She came to sit down next to me and rubbed my back.

"He's feeling low, Mitch. He loved you." That made me cry even harder. I'm so stupid. How could I let a great guy just walk out? How could I make Scott feel awful? "Why did you break his heart?"

"Maybe I was breaking mine." I mumbled it in the pillow. Kirstie heard me. She sighed.

"So are you going to say it or am I going to have to for you?" I curled against the pillow.

"I love him."