The Roommate

Chapter 11

For JannaAlliT

"Scott?" I sat up in Scott's bed when I woke up. My fingers ran through my hair as my brain was pounding against my skull. I shouldn't have cried last night. I shouldn't have acted so vulnerable. I should have manned up and stood up for myself. But who was I kidding? I'm a weakling. Scott and I have been doing this whole thing for four months and I haven't had the guts to tell him that I don't want to do it anymore.

"You called?" Scott came forward with a glass of water and some pills. I smiled gratefully, my guilt being shoved back down my throat with a small red pill and something to wash it down. "How are you feeling?" I sat there for awhile. It was now or never. I couldn't let him get attached. Him saying the word boyfriend and referring to me, it scared me. I didn't want to be tied down.

"We need to talk." He let out a breathy chuckle.

"Don't." He got up and walked out of the room. I followed after him.

"Scott...." He turned around to look at me. I saw he was hurt. "I'm afraid. I'm so scared."

"What are you afraid of? I'm not going to hurt you."

"There's no guarantee. I can't be in a relationship and right now I'm afraid that's what you want." He licked his lips.

"Why is that so scary?!"

"Because I can't date someone like you!"

"Someone like me? What does that mean?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Tell me." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to say it out loud. He kept pressing the issue though.

"Someone I keep around to-" I stopped myself. I felt like there was something blocking my airways.

"To what?" My bottom lip quivered.

"Someone I keep around to have sex with. And only have sex with." He sighed.

"Sex, huh? That's all it ever was to you?" He sounded broken hearted.

"That's all it was ever suppose to be." He had his back turned towards me. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me right now."

"What's the big deal?" He turned around on me.

"What if I said I never cared? That I only wanted to fuck you?"

"Wasn't that the whole point of this?! I don't want to be with someone. Not when everything seems to go so wrong." He scratched the back of his head. He was irritated by me. He wasn't willing to tell me though.

"What if I'm different?" I don't know why he was pressing the issue so much. I groaned in frustration.

"I don't want to be with you anymore! Don't you get it?" His eyes immediately went to the ground. "Yesterday made me realize I just want us to be roommates again." It was the use of the word 'boyfriend'. I didn't want to be somebody's boyfriend quite yet.

"Just roommates?" There was a sad tone.

"Yes. Just roommates." He pushed pass me to get a jacket out of his room. Then he grabbed his keys and left. I stood there for awhile. I smelled something delicious. I covered my mouth when I got to the kitchen. He made breakfast for us. "Scott?!" I ran out of the apartment just in time to see the elevator doors close in his face. I could run down the stairs but that would contradict me. I sighed, slamming the door behind me. I need someone to talk to.

"Tell me." Kirstie's voice came out as demanding.

"He's so infuriating!"

"How?" She held her glass of water on her hands.

"He calls me his boyfriend when Ronnie was over yesterday-"

"He was protecting you." I nodded but ignored her ultimately.

"The stupid breakfast-"

"He wanted to make you feel better." Her words began to make my guilt boil. I was trying to push everything back down.

"But the way he touched me last night-"

"He's in love with you." She said it simply. It felt like something stabbed through my heart. Then I laughed. But her serious look made my laugh die.

"Please say you're joking." She raised one of her eyebrows. "Oh come on." She laughed lightly.

"You really didn't see that coming?" I shook my head. "Just wait. He'll say it." Kirstie stayed at the apartment. She was waiting for Scott to come back so we could sort all this out. Not the whole love thing. I wasn't in love with Scott. There was no way. I wouldn't deny I liked him though. He had a certain air about him that made me laugh. It made me feel comfortable. It made me feel safe.

"Scott?" I went to grab his hand as he quickly tried to pass to his room.

"Let go." Scott growled. But it wasn't the same tone he used with Ronnie. This was desperate, misleading.

"Scott-"

"What part of 'let go' don't you understand?"

"I need to talk to you." I had yet to see his face.

"You finished that conversation earlier."

"Scott, hear him out." Kirstie tried to help me out. Scott relaxed slightly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" I tried to speak.

"Bullshit." He turned around. The smell of alcohol smacked me in the face like a wall. He had been drinking. "Just forget it, Mitch."

"I can't-"

"It's enough. If you want it over, don't remind me again." I stood there helplessly as he pulled his hand out of my grip. I let out an involuntary whimper that cause him to turn around to check if I was okay. His eyes scanned my posture. My hands were fists under my chin as I tried not to cry. I felt so horrible for hurting him. I sniffled. His hand reach for mine but it stopped. He left for his room.

"Scott?" Kirstie called after him. She turned to me.

"He hates me. And I deserve it."

"I'll talk to him. Don't worry." I fled back to my room. I heard Kirstie leave as she shouted her goodbye. There was a knock on my door.

"Come in." Scott peeked his head in.

"Goodnight." The door shut before I could give my response. I said it anyways into the dark.

"Goodnight, Scott."